


A New Season

by SeekHim



Series: A New Start [3]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Family, Friendship, Kirk leaves the Enterprise, Kirk on a different ship, Original Character Death(s), Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 06:35:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 22,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6459688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeekHim/pseuds/SeekHim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During the second six months of his command of the USS Saratoga, Kirk deals with loss and learns the importance of family. AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Request

**Author's Note:**

> Those of you who have read Neferit's works may have come across her 'This is the End' trilogy. In it Kirk is raped during shore leave. Instead of supporting him his crew, with the exception of Dr. McCoy, assumes that he was just fooling around . This betrayal added to the trauma of being raped leads Kirk to step down as Captain of the Enterprise. Months later he accepts command of a different ship, the U.S.S. Saratoga. This series is my take on Kirk accepting his new command. I've written it with Neferit's kind permission.
> 
> If you like it PLEASE leave feedback! I live for it!

_Captain's Log_   
_Stardate 2259.6.30_

_The Saratoga has spent the past week studying the Paynaro Cloud. The incident with Nero had one positive effect;_   
_Starfleet's been stepping up exploration of space big time. Constitution class ships were originally at the forefront_   
_of exploration but now other ships are being sent further afield as well. They're discovering a lot of interesting_   
_new things and trusty survey/research vessels are needed to check them out._

_The USS Wyoming discovered the cloud during a deep space recon mission. They didn't have time to do much more_   
_than run scans as they flew past it, so now we're here to do what a Delphis class does best- take a closer look._

_The Paynaro Cloud is a micro-nebula. It's about five light years across and covers two star systems. One of them:_   
_the Rychla System has an M class planet. So during the month that we're here our studies will keep both our stellar_   
_and planetary scientists busy._

_James T. Kirk_

* * *

_Captain's Ready Room_   
_1:45 PM_

Kirk completed his log and gazed thoughtfully out the window at the view. The Paynaro Cloud was similar in some  
ways to the Hymer Cloud that the _Saratoga_ had studied months ago. But its colors were much darker and while  
the Hymer had been relatively uniform, the Paynaro was filled with interesting formations. Away-missions so far  
had had a field day.

The planet Rychla promised to be just as interesting. By its very existence it provided countless fascinating studies  
on the effects nebulae and gaseous phenomena could have on planets. The planet itself seemed to mimic the  
surrounding cloud in that it was perpetually shrouded in a thick mist. The 'Misty Planet' someone had dubbed it.  
The mist appeared to be a vital component of the planet's atmosphere and all planetary missions were required  
to wear breathing equipment and protective suits until they knew more about it.

The door chime sounded, drawing Kirk out of his musings and he straightened. "Come in."

The door opened and he recognized Chief Petty Officer Skinar. Kirk had made it his personal mission to get  
to know every single member of his one hundred plus crew and whenever he encountered one he would  
immediately do a quick rehash of what he knew about them.

_Chief Petty Officer Skinar. Hails from Tausia in the Alpha Quadrant. Has served on the Saratoga for seven years._   
_In charge of Operations Management during Gamma Shift. A hardworking perfectionist with meticulous attention_   
_to detail. Stern, no nonsense and prefers to be alone. Very rare to see him up and about during the day because_   
_he always requests Gamma shift._

"Greetings, Captain." Skinar bowed slightly as was his custom whenever addressing a member of the Senior staff.  
At six feet he cast a striking figure and although elderly in terms of his species, one wouldn't know it because of  
his great physical strength and flexibility. He was bald with an elongated, slightly pointed head, craggy features  
and dark greenish-gray skin.

"I have an important request," he continued in his low, baritone voice. "I ask that you not refuse me."

"At ease, Chief Skinar," Kirk said pleasantly. He didn't like addressing anyone as 'Petty' so Chief Petty Officers  
were addressed as 'Chief' and ordinary Petty Officers by their specialties or surnames. He gestured to one  
of the chairs in front of his desk. "Why don't you have a seat?"

After the Tausian had complied Kirk smiled and leaned forward. "What is it you need?"

Skinar's human-like eyes were dark brown and always brooded with thoughts that few were privy too.  
They locked now on the Captain's blue ones. "I request the use of the High Tide shuttle in two days."

"For what purpose?" Kirk asked, assuming that the Tausin wanted to go on some sort of away mission.

"To die in."


	2. Explanations

Kirk stared in shock, thinking…hoping…that he'd either misheard or misunderstood.

"To die in?" he finally managed.

The Tausian nodded. "Yes," he said simply. "My Time to Die has come. This occurs at the end  
of my peoples' natural lifespan."

Without taking his eyes off Skinar, Kirk pulled out his comm. "Bones. I'm bringing Skinar in.  
He needs a complete physical. _Yesterday."_

_'All right, Jim. I'll be ready for him.'_

The sound of his best friend's voice was calming.

Kirk stood up. "You're coming with me to sickbay. Now."

Skinar stood as well. "As you wish. The doctor's examination will only confirm what I say."

The two left the Ready Room and headed to the turbolift via the bridge. "Thelin," Kirk called to  
his First Officer; "I'm taking Skinar down to sickbay. I may be awhile."

The Andorian nodded. "Understood, Captain.'

He and the rest of the bridge crew glanced at the elderly Tausian. Their expressions varying between  
puzzlement and concern.

* * *

_Sick Bay_

Skinar sat quietly on a biobed. After being practically dragged to sickbay by the Captain he had patiently  
submitted to a thorough exam by the Chief Medical Officer. McCoy was even now talking to Belzoni as they  
both looked over the results of his latest scans. When an anxious Kirk, who hadn't left the Tausian's side  
during the entire procedure, looked over at them it was obvious from both the CMO's and Head Nurse's  
expressions that they weren't at all happy with what they were seeing.

Through it all Skinar had remained silent but now began to speak. "What were the results of your examination,  
Doctor? I already know but the Captain needs to hear it."

McCoy shook his head and although the question had been asked by Skinar it was Kirk that he looked at.  
"All of his vitals are dropping, Jim," he said quietly. "And there's massive cellular degradation.  
It started a couple of days ago but its accelerating like wildfire. I've been studying Tausian medical records.  
When they reach a certain age their bodies begin to rapidly deteriorate and then just…shut down.  
Based on the rate of decline I'd estimate that he has three days at the most."

Skinar nodded. "My people are able to sense when their Time is approaching. I first sensed mine  
three days ago."

Kirk looked at him sharply. "You sensed it? Why didn't you say anything then? Are you in pain?"

The Tausian shook his head. "There's no pain. It's an instinct, a _knowing_ that our time has come to lay  
aside the flesh and embark on our Final Journey. Our judgmental capacity is unaffected and for the first  
few days there are no physical signs. When I first sensed it we were at an important stage of our scans  
of this system. I wasn't exhibiting any symptoms yet so I saw no reason not to continue my duties."

He paused. "But I'm beginning to tire now and over the next day or so I will become increasingly weak.  
You need to relieve me of duty effective immediately and have someone else assume my post until  
Starfleet can send you a replacement."

His expression turned thoughtful as it always did when he was calculating options. "Lieutenant Rodriguez  
is one possibility but she dislikes Gamma shift and her skills lie more in Communications than Operations.  
Crewman Nehru would be a good choice. I realize that Operations Management is usually manned by an officer,  
but she's very good at organization and always rises to a challenge."

Kirk gave the Tausian an incredulous look.

_A few hours ago I'm sitting in my office writing a routine report and suddenly one of crew comes in to tell  
me that he's going to die in two days. _ _And now he's sitting there, cool as a cucumber, making recommendations  
about who I should choose to replace _ _him._

Kirk felt like he was stuck in a nightmare rabbit-hole.

And over it all one thought kept ringing like a death knell.

_I'm going to lose a crewmate._

_I'm going to lose a crewmate.  
_

It didn't matter that he wasn't close to the Tausian, few on the _Saratoga_ were. But Petty Officer Skinar was  
a member of _his_ crew. Part of the family of the _Saratoga_. And in a matter of days he would be gone.

Skinar had first sensed his Time approaching three days ago. For the past three days a member of his crew,  
his _family,_ had been dying… and he hadn't had a clue.

Although a loner by nature, Skinar was remarkable perceptive and he intuited the Captain's thoughts.  
His normally stern, expression softened. "Captain, this is the way of all living things- we're born, we live  
and when our time comes we die. I have lived for eighty years. That is past the norm for my people;  
usually our Time comes between the ages of seventy and seventy five. I've lived much longer than most.  
But my Time has come at last and there was nothing that Doctor McCoy…or you…could have done to prevent it."

Where's your family?" a quiet voice asked.

Everyone turned to see Kirk's Soul Sibling, the medic, Tuskaro Alyen. The young Nlian's large blue eyes  
were filled with sorrow and concern. "If you knew that you were dying why didn't you contact your family?  
They should be here with you."

"It is not our way, young one," Skinar said softly. "My people are solitary by nature and we live most  
of our lives alone. When we return to the Birthworld to mate we select a partner based on genetic compatibility  
and as soon as our offspring are born we part ways. We don't raise our offspring either; they are cared for  
by the Guardians until they come of age. We do keep in contact with our kin but we have no need to be in  
their physical presence; simply knowing that they live is enough.

"In regards to my own kin, the two who gave me life both died many years ago. The two who were born  
with me died within the last five years, as did the woman with whom I mated. I have three offspring and  
all of them have sired or borne offspring of their own. Since first sensing my Time approach I have been  
in contact with each of them and we have said our farewells."

"Why exactly do you need the _High Tide_?" Kirk heard himself ask. "If you're dying you should be in sickbay  
or in your quarters."

"It is the way of my people," Skinar replied. "We were born of the stars. When they created us they built  
within us a love for them so great that we would ever be drawn toward them. Others may refer to our Birthworld,  
Tausia, as our home planet, but it's not our home, it hasn't been for a thousand years; as soon as our ancestors  
developed the technology to do so they departed it in the Great Exodus. The only ones who remain there are  
the Legislators who protect the Birthworld and represent the interests of our people, the Archivists who preserve  
our history and knowledge and the Guardians who raise our offspring.

"We are born on the Birthworld and spend our early years there, learning the history and ways of our people.  
But even as children we instinctively yearn for the stars and as soon as we are of age, roughly ten Earth years,  
we depart for space, our true home. We return only once, at the age of thirty, to reproduce and as soon as our  
offspring are born, we once again depart never to return.

"Space is our home, the stars are our love and we journey endlessly among them basking in their glory.  
We never stay on planets or stations; our spirits ever cry for the stars and we are at peace only when  
we are among them."

Skinar continued and it was obvious that he was now speaking to everyone there. "From the time we leave  
the womb our spirits long for the stars and when our Time approaches that longing increases a thousand-fold.  
The stars call to us and we answer. We take a small shuttle and we spend our last hours alone among them  
listening to their song. And then just before our Time comes, we plot a course into a star. It was the stars that  
created us, it is to the stars that we are ever drawn and it is to the stars that we return at death. We were born  
of the stars, we live among the stars and we die among the stars."

Skinar's attention once again turned to Kirk. "I thought that the _High Tide_ would be best because it's the smallest  
shuttle the _Saratoga_ has. It's normally only used for ship to surface transports and it's hardly ever used for away  
missions. Our assignment here is actually fortuitous; you're not scheduled to leave this area for several weeks.  
You can contact Starfleet and they can have a new shuttle and a replacement here long before you're ready to leave."

His voice softened. "Captain, would you have me spend my last hours in sickbay in the care of a healer  
who can do nothing for me? Or in my quarters separated from the stars when I need them the most?"

His dark brown eyes once again locked with the Captain's blue ones. "I have made my request, Captain.  
What is your answer?"

"Permission granted," Kirk whispered.


	3. Conversations

_7/1/2259_   
_Chief Medical Officer's Office_

"How's he doing?" Admiral Pike asked.

McCoy looked grimly at viewscreen. When M'Ress had commed to tell him that he had a private message  
from Admiral Pike, he'd known right away what it was about.

It was about what had been on everyone's mind since the bombshell drop yesterday.

* * *

 _*Flashback*_  
Sickbay  


 _After being granted the use of the High Tide, Skinar quietly thanked the Captain and then informed him  
that he would leave on the 2nd at 0900. He would spend the time until then in __his quarters and requested_  
that, aside from the two people that he had chosen to attend him, he be undisturbed. 

_He then turned to McCoy. "I see no reason to take up any more of your time, Doctor. Do I have your  
permission _ _to leave now?"_

_McCoy quietly assented, although he informed the Tausian that he would be checking in on him regularly._

_Skinar once again bowed slightly to the Captain before turning to go, leaving in his wake a medical bay  
so quiet that one could hear a pin drop._

_A pale faced Kirk then turned to McCoy. "I_ … _I have get back to the bridge. I need to make a ship-wide  
announcement and then I have to talk to Thelin and Tolliver_… _start making arrangements."_

 _"Jim_ … _" a concerned McCoy began._

_Kirk was already heading for the door._ _"I'm still the Captain of this ship, Bones. And I have work to do.  
We'll talk later."_

_"And we **will** talk!" McCoy called after him sternly._

_And talk they did. Before Alpha Shift was over the doctor was on the bridge and as soon as the replacements  
arrived he took the still visibly dazed Captain firmly by the arm. _ _"My quarters. **Now**."_

_*End Flashback*_

* * *

"He's not taking it well, _at all_ ," McCoy answered quietly. "And he wasn't even close to Skinar; I can count  
on one hand the number of times they'd interacted before all this."

He told the Admiral about the conversation the two had had.

* * *

_*Flashback*_   
_McCoy's Quarters_

_McCoy looked sadly at his best friend who sat dejectedly on the sofa staring at the floor._

_"I talked to Ambassador Spock," Kirk said quietly. "He said that Vulcans believe that a life should only_  
be mourned if it's wasted. Skinar's life wasn't wasted; he's had a long, full life doing what he loves,  
among the stars that he loves."

 _He looked at McCoy._ _"And now he's dying. It's not a tragedy; he's not sick, he wasn't in an accident  
and he wasn't cut down by a phaser blast. __He's an old man who's reached the natural end of his life._  
It's going to be a natural death and he's going to die the way he wants. A lot of people don't get that."  
He paused for a long time. "But I'm still as upset as if he'd been cut down by a phaser blast."

_McCoy gently put a hand on his shoulder. "That means you're a good Captain, Jim."_

_*End Flashback*_

* * *

"You're right, he _is_ a good Captain," Pike said quietly. "And that's part of the problem."  
Upon McCoy's questioning look he continued. "Do you know how many crewmembers Jim's lost since  
becoming Captain? Not one. During the Nero Engagement some crewmembers were killed, but _I_ was  
in command at the time. Those were _my_ crewmembers, not his."

"Jim was in command of the _Enterprise_ for only two months before the _Incident._ After Nero the _Enterprise_  
spent nearly a month at Spacedock undergoing repairs and the time after that going on milk-run missions.  
In other words, he didn't see a crewmember get more than a scratch or a cold, if even that."

Pike sighed. "Jim's been with the _Saratoga_ for six months, in many ways this is his first _real_ command."  
His voice lowered. "And Skinar is the first crewmember that he's lost. Or will, in a couple of days."  
He gazed thoughtfully at McCoy. "To lose someone under your command for the first time…I imagine  
it's like a doctor losing a patient for the first time."

McCoy nodded. "Jim's doesn't deal well with loss." He gave a mirthless chuckle. "He doesn't deal well  
with losing, _period."_ His expression saddened. "He doesn't believe in no-win scenarios, but this time  
there's no way to win. He _never_ concedes, but this time he doesn't have a choice. A crewmember  
is going to die and there's not a damn thing he can do about it."

He frowned thoughtfully. "Another part of it is loyalty. Jim is one of the most loyal people around and he's  
completely dedicated to the people in his life. This crew helped stitch him back together after the _Enterprise_.  
They were there for him. In return they've gotten themselves a Captain whose completely devoted to all  
of them. And I do mean _all_. He's dedicated to _every single person_ on this rust bucket from his closest friends,  
down to the ones that he's only spoken to once or twice. And there is _nothing_ that he wouldn't do for them."

He sighed. "The only thing that he can do for Skinar is honor his wishes and let him go. He is…but it's _eating_  
at him that he's not able to do _more_. And maybe…maybe its eating at him that he didn't do more for him  
while he was here."

Pike sadly shook his head. "So he'd dealing with the loss of someone under his command, frustration at not  
being able to do anything about it, sorrow at losing someone that he cares about and guilt for not having done  
more for them. Quite a lot to have on the plate."


	4. Another request

_7/1/2259_   
_Skinar's Quarters_   
_4:30 P.M._

McCoy entered Skinar's quarters to find the Tausian in the living/work area. He was sitting on the small couch by the window,  
staring fixedly at the stars with a calm expression on his face.

Sitting not far from him was his roommate, Chief Petty Officer Trolan from Engineering. McCoy had encountered the middle-aged  
Kressari only once or twice but knew that he specialized in Impulse Engines and knew his way around the rest of Engineering  
as well as Filars. He worked slowly but was very methodical and once he began a task didn't stop until it was finished.  
Many in Engineering affectionately called him 'The Tortoise' because 'slow but steady wins the race.'

Skinar turned to face the doctor as he approached. "You've come to examine me again, Doctor?" he asked, his voice  
rougher and more grating.

McCoy nodded. "As long as you're still on this ship I'm responsible for you."

Skinar turned to Trolan. "Go, old friend. You've haven't left my side since yesterday and you need a break. Get something  
to eat, take a walk, or visit Engineering for awhile, but go. We'll talk more later."

The Kressari nodded silently. He was a man of few words and, like Skinar, not very demonstrative, but emotion was clear  
in his eyes. He leaned over and gave the Tausian a gentle squeeze on the shoulder before departing.

McCoy made his way over to Skinar and pulled out his instruments. The tricorder revealed the grim fact that the Tausian's  
cellular deterioration was increasing at a geometric rate. Even without the instruments it was obvious that he was rapidly  
declining; his skin had become pallid in color and was beginning to peel and his breathing was becoming ever more labored.

Skinar meanwhile had been observing the doctor. "I must confess that there was once an instance where I found you to  
be very amusing, Doctor," he said suddenly.

McCoy looked at him startled. He had been described as a lot of things but never _amusing_.

"It was a week after you had first transferred to the _Saratoga,"_ Skinar explained. "I came to you for a routine physical  
and I overheard you having a _discussion_ with Nurse Belzoni. You were in a very… irritable mood and railing about how  
space was nothing but 'disease and danger.'

McCoy recalled the conversation. "I admit I've never cared much for space," he muttered.

"You would have made a poor Tausian then. For my people there is no worse torment then to be separated from the stars  
and no greater joy than to roam among them."

"You're right, I'd have made a lousy Tausian," McCoy agreed. "I joined Starfleet because I didn't have anywhere else  
to go at the time. Now…"

"Now you're out here for the Captain's sake," Skinar finished. "If not for him you would have been more than happy to be  
stationed on Earth." At the doctor's silence he continued. "My people are content within themselves, Doctor, so we don't  
need the deep emotional ties that so many species do. But although we don't need close friendships we do appreciate them.  
Your willingness to come into an environment that you're not comfortable with for the sake of friendship is a worthy trait.  
But Doctor…"

He leaned forward slightly. "By journeying among the stars you've had a chance to see things that you never would have  
had you remained on Earth. When we discover a new type of star or journey through a nebula, do you truly feel no wonder?  
When you look at the stars do you truly see no beauty at all?"

McCoy sighed. "I admit that I sometimes have. And by being out here I have a chance to make new medical discoveries  
and advances. I'll never really like space though. I guess to me its this dark, ghastly void filled with awful stuff waiting  
to happen."

Skinar smiled slightly. It was little more than a slight twitch of his lips, but it was there. "You and the young Captain are  
two men at opposite ends of the spectrum. He loves being out here and you don't. For him space is a place full of adventure  
and discovery and to you its a hostile, unwelcome environment. For him space is the one place where he wants to be  
and for you it's a place where you decidedly _don't_ want to be. " His eyes crinkled slightly. "I suppose that's one reason  
why you're so…ornery I believe the word is."

McCoy snorted. "I suppose so."

Skinar's expression grew thoughtful as he met McCoy's eyes. "May I pass some wisdom on to you, Doctor? From an Elder  
to one still young?"

"Go ahead."

"Space is not a ghastly void," Skinar said quietly. "It's the womb from which all life springs and where all things, both good  
and bad, exist. Yes, there is danger within it and yes, there is disease. But never forget that there is beauty as well."  
Skinar's dark brown eyes locked with McCoy's hazel. "Don't get so focused on the ugliness that you no longer see the beauty.  
And remember, young one, the darker the blackness between the stars, the brighter the stars themselves."

McCoy was silent for awhile. "I'll try to keep that in mind," he murmured.

The door chime sounded. McCoy glanced at it wondering who it was. From what he'd read on Tausians he knew that during  
their brief seclusion before they died they were visited only by their chosen Attendants, usually people that he or she knew  
well, or worked closely with. In Skinar's case that was Trolan and Crewman Nehru, whom McCoy knew, had already been  
there for hours before Skinar had finally shooed her off to her quarters to get some rest.

"Enter," Skinar called.

The door opened to reveal Captain Kirk, dressed in civilian clothes. Upon entering he bowed slightly. "Greetings Elder."

"Greetings, Captain," Skinar said softly. "You'll pardon me if I don't rise to greet you. I'm becoming increasingly weak  
and need to conserve my strength if I want to make it to shuttle-bay tomorrow."

"I'm off duty now, Elder," Kirk said softly. "Right now I'm not the Captain. I'm merely a young man addressing an esteemed  
Elder. And I've come to make a request."

"Which is?"

"I've been studying Tausian customs. Before they embark on their Final Journey they go into seclusion and are visited only  
by their Attendants. Normally they select their Attendants from people that they know or work closely with. However one can  
request the honor." Kirk approached Skinar and held out his hands in the Tausian gesture of supplication. "I am making such  
a request now, Elder. Will you please grant me the honor of serving as your Attendant?"

The Tausian nodded. "Granted."


	5. Attendants

_7/1/2259  
_ _Skinar's Quarters_   
_10:45 pm_

Skinar quietly sat on the cleansing rug that his two current Attendants had spread out for him on the floor.  
One Attendant, Captain Kirk, knelt behind him gently kneading his shoulders. While he wasn't in pain,  
the Tausian's rapidly approaching Time led to increasing stiffness in his joints.

Kneeling in front of him was his other Attendant, Crewman Darshana Nehru from Calcutta. Skinar had taken  
her under his wing when she had transferred to the _Saratoga_ three years before and it was obvious to everyone  
on the ship that her mentor's rapidly approaching death was devastating to her. She was now gently wiping  
his face and torso with a cool washcloth. Another symptom of his approaching Time was an increase in both  
perspiration and peeling of the skin.

At length the two finished and after gently drying him, they helped him back onto the sofa, both mindful  
of his increasingly labored breathing. It had concerned McCoy as well and he had started giving him regular  
injections to ease his breathing. Nehru took the cleaning items to the bathroom while Kirk handed Skinar  
a glass of ice cold water which he slowly drank.

The entire time the Tausian stared fixedly out the window at the stars. "They're so beautiful," he whispered  
at length, his voice ever more grating. "I hear them calling me."

Kirk had taken a chair and pulled it closer to the sofa. "You know, as much as your people love the stars  
I'm surprised that there aren't more of you in Starfleet," he said quietly. When the Tausian glanced at him  
the young Captain went on. "I looked it up; there're hardly any Tausians in the Fleet and they're all enlisted.  
One would think that Starfleet would be the perfect place for your people and considering your skills one  
would think that there'd be a lot of officers too."

Skinar shook his head. "To become an officer requires four years of training at the Academy, Captain.  
That's four years on a planet. No Tausian could endure being separated from the stars for that long.  
Training for Enlisted personnel only lasts for one year and few are able to endure even that. The year that  
I spent training was literally the most painful of my life. I was only able to endure it by going on shuttle trips  
into orbit _every d_ ay and by sleeping outside beneath the stars _every night_. My spirit couldn't have endured  
it if it had been longer."

Nehru had returned from the bathroom and sat on the sofa beside Skinar. "But you lived on Tausia,  
your Birthworld, for ten years," she pointed out.

"From the moment that we leave the womb our spirits cry for the stars," Skinar explained. "But during  
our time on Tausia we're able to endure being separated from them. Some feel that the Birthworld itself  
shields us to an extent, and others feel that we're able to endure because we have not yet felt the stars'  
touch. For our first ten years we only see them from afar and hear their song from a distance.  
The first time that we leave…the first time that we actually feel their embrace…" He closed his eyes  
and stopped speaking for a moment, obviously lost in memories. "From that moment on we can no longer  
endure being separated from them. From that moment on being on a planet, is for us, being imprisoned."

"But you go back to have children."

"We're only there for three months, just long enough to procreate. During that time the mating and birthing  
instincts aid us, and perhaps the Birthworld does as well. But despite that, the entire time we're 'counting  
the days' until we can leave."

Kirk felt his curiosity piqued. "What about the Legislators, Archivists and Guardians?"

"There are a few among our people who are able to endure being separated from the stars. It may be a genetic  
trait, it may be spiritual or, once again, it may be due to their being on the Birthworld, but they are able to endure.  
To be one of them is not only the greatest honor among our people, but the greatest sacrifice.

"A thousand years ago, when our people first achieved space flight, _all_ of them wanted to leave, every single  
one of them. But a few pointed out the problems that might arise if they did. "Most species form communities,  
my people don't; we were and still are by nature solitary wanderers. But despite that we occasionally came  
together to combine our resources. It was combining our resources that enabled us to develop the technology  
of space flight. Even though we didn't have true communities we did have a history, a culture. And even though  
most of us lived alone we all recognized the importance of procreation and it was easy to find mating partners  
during our fertile period. The dissenters pointed out that if we dispersed ourselves throughout space, we could  
easily lose contact with each other. Our knowledge and history could be lost, fewer offspring would be born,  
our entire race could die out.

"Our people heeded the wisdom of the dissenters and so, even as the Great Exodus began, the Great Sacrifice  
was made. While most of our people joyfully ventured into their true home, a few chose to remain behind:  
to guard the world where our race was born, to raise our offspring and to preserve and pass on our knowledge.  
They chose to stay behind even though their spirits cried out for the stars every bit as much as the others.  
They became the first ones to take on the Mantle of Sacrifice. The first ones to bear both the Chain and the Tears."

"What are those?" Kirk asked.

"Those who take on the Mantle bear the Emblem of the Chain, as a sign that, for the sake of our people, they have  
willingly bound themselves to the Birthworld. And they bear the Emblem of Tears as a reminder of the constant tears  
they shed at not being able to roam among the stars."

His dark eyes solemnly bored into Kirk's. "Make no mistake, Captain, they yearn for the stars as much as every  
other Tausian, but they never leave the Birthworld because they know that if they did even for a moment…"

"They couldn't bear to come back," Kirk finished softly.

Skinar nodded. "They are honored above all Tausians because they have made the greatest sacrifice possible  
for a Tausian. For the sake of our people they have willingly denied themselves the stars. The stars for which  
we were made and for which we all yearn."

Kirk nodded solemnly. Trying to imagine what it would be like to deliberately deny yourself what your every instinct,  
every fiber of your being longed for the most. It would be like being an artist but deliberately wearing a blindfold  
and keeping your hands tied behind your back.

Nehru's eyes were moist. "Don't any of them ever get to go?"

"A few do. Whenever a young Tausian chooses to assume the Mantle, an older Tausian may be released from it.  
Most however, especially those who are particularly skilled at their tasks or who have increased responsibilities,  
choose to remain on the Birthworld until their Time is upon them."

He was silent for a few moments. "Anaser, the man who sired the woman who bore me was such a person. He was  
an Archivist and computer programmer and highly skilled. He made several improvements in the computer systems  
of the Great Archives and put together multiple works on both history and computer programming. His writings are  
still studied on Tausia today and I have no doubt will continue to be for years to come. It was perhaps because of him  
that I was able to endure Starfleet training-he passed his endurance on to me."

"He passed his skill with computers on to you too, I think," Nehru said softly. "And your skills with organization."

Skinar gave a very slight, hardly noticeable smile. "Perhaps." He was silent for a several moments. "His sensed  
his Time approaching at the same time I came of age. We both left the Birthworld together on a small transport  
and I served as his Attendant. During the four days that I was with him, those four days when he was _finally,_  
after seventy three years, able to feel the stars' embrace, I knew that he was happier then than he had been  
in his entire life. And when he took a small shuttle for his Final Journey I knew that he was at last complete."

He was silent for several moments before turning to Kirk. "I have served in Starfleet for sixty years, Captain  
and have been honored to do so. In addition to exploring the vastness between the stars, those who are part  
of it protect the worlds of the Federation and give aid to countless others. What they do is both necessary and noble."

He paused. "But I have noticed in some of them, particularly, their officers, a certain haughtiness. I think that  
some in Starfleet believe that they are the only ones who make meaningful contributions. That they are the only  
ones who make sacrifices."

His dark eyes met Kirk's. "Never forget, Captain, that those who don't roam the stars make sacrifices too.  
And sometimes the sacrifices that they make are unimaginable."


	6. Bestowment

_7/2/2259_   
_Skinar's Quarters_   
_2:45 am_

Nehru gently wrapped the blanket more tightly around Skinar. Over the ensuing hours the Tausian's skin had become ever  
more pale and now flaked constantly. His features, naturally wrinkled before, had become ever more creased and pitted,  
and his voice was now a hoarse whisper. His eyes remained sharp however and he had again assured McCoy, who had once  
again come by to check on him, that while increasingly weary he was in no pain.

As McCoy stood to leave, Skinar motioned to him. "Don't go, Doctor. There are some matters that I need to discuss.  
You have been serving as an Attendant in your own way, so these matters are for your ears as well. Sit with the others."

As McCoy wordlessly complied, Skinar nodded toward his bedroom. "Trolan, there is a large grey box in my bedroom.  
Bring it to me, please."

The Kresarri silently rose from his chair and made his way to the room, a moment later he returned with the requested box  
and handed it to Skinar.

"This box contains my most cherished personal belongings," Skinar whispered. "Over the years I have gifted various items  
to my kin. These, however, I kept. But before another twelve hours have passed I shall be gone so I must now attend to them."

He looked at Kirk who silently sat in front of him. "If you had not offered to be one of my Attendants, Captain, I would have  
asked Trolan to take this to you and make the request that I am about to now." He leaned forward slightly. "I ask that you  
make certain that this box and its contents gets to Tausia. You don't need to take it yourself; I ask only that you arrange  
its transport."

Kirk nodded solemnly. "You have my word, Elder."

Skinar's gaze returned to the box. "Once on Tausia, the Archivists will sort the objects and have them sent to my various kin.  
I've already sent instructions on who is to get what." He paused. "There are, however, some objects that will not be journeying  
back to Tausia."

He placed the box on the small table before him. Opening it he carefully lifted out a pendant that bore an image of a collection  
of stars. "This belonged to Tor'ia, the woman who bore me," he said quietly. "She was a Medical Technician and an instructor.  
Aside from the stars her two greatest joys were to aid others and to instruct others in how to aid others. In the seventy-five  
years that she lived, she served on both the civilian and medical transports of over a dozen different species. Her services were  
much in demand and she was especially sought out for her skills at teaching. When her Time came upon her, thirty five years  
ago, she was the Chief Medical Technician of the Nlvekian hospital ship, _Kesar_. She arranged to have this sent to me and I have  
kept it with honor ever since."

Putting the pendant down he once again reached inside and brought out a bracelet set with bright diamond-like gems.  
"This belonged to Freyna, the woman with whom I mated. She was a navigator, one of the most skilled that I ever knew."  
He smiled slightly. "She was also very adventurous and loved to travel to places that others had not gone. In the seventy-two  
years that she lived she served on numerous scout and survey vessels and when her Time came upon her, four years ago,  
she was Chief Navigator of the Antaran scout ship, _Zloden._ "

He was silent for awhile as he gazed at the bracelet. "We met for the first time at the age of thirty, when we had both returned  
to the Birthworld to seek out a suitable mate. We chose each other because of our genetic compatibility and like all Tausian  
couples there were no feelings between us other than respect and a desire to further the continuation of our race. We were  
together for three months; long enough to mate and bring our offspring into the world and after that was done we parted ways.

"Tausian couples do not have the deep emotional attachment that is common with couples from other species. But there is  
respect between them. _Deep_ respect. From the moment that they mate until both of then die, a woman always refers to her  
partner as her _Noeron_ , the man with whom she mated and who sired her offspring. And he always refers to her as his _Noerye,  
_ the woman with whom he mated and who bore his offspring. Although they never come into each other's physical presence  
again, that bond _always_ remains true and when a Tausian's Time comes upon him or her, their former partner is always  
the first person that they contact. When Freyna's Time came upon her she contacted me to say farewell and arranged for  
this to be sent to me."

He picked up the pendant and handed both it and the bracelet out to Nehru. "Both of these are yours now, Darshana."

The young woman's eyes widened and then grew moist. "S-Skinar…" she whispered.

"It is tradition," he said simply. "When our Time approaches our belongings are sent back to Tausia and from there bestowed  
to our kin. However, Attendants are also regarded as kin." He noted the startled expression on Kirk's face as he said this.  
"In return for standing beside us during our final days, they become our Kin-by-Choice. And gifts are bestowed upon them  
as well."

With tears in her eyes, Nehru silently accepted the gifts. "I will treasure them always."

"I know. Which is why I have chosen to bequeath them to you."

Skinar reached into the box again and took out another object, a small metal pipe. "This belonged to Vryel, the man who sired  
me. He was an engineer who specialized in internal systems. In the seventy-one years that he lived he served on several  
freighters and tankers. When his Time came upon him, thirty eight years ago, he was Chief Engineer of the Ocrtan freighter  
 _Glameer."_

He smiled as he gazed at the flute. "He was also a musician who greatly enjoyed the pipe. He found that it helped him to focus  
and come up with solutions and he often played during breaks in his work. He heard music in all things, both living and non.  
He often said that machines sang as well, and that an engineer was merely one who knew how to listen to their song and how  
to sing with them."

The Tausian's gaze once again went to the window. "He especially loved to play as he gazed upon the stars. He would listen to  
their song and would sing back to them with his flute." He gave a slight chuckle. "Like all Tausians I heard the song of the stars  
and I became quite skilled at hearing the song of computers, but that was the _only_ music that I had a talent in. Nevertheless,  
when his Time came upon him, he had this sent to me, knowing that I would keep it with honor. Although I had no skill with  
playing it, I gazed upon it from time to time and it reminded me to heed the music in all things."

He handed the pipe to his roommate. "It is yours now, Trolan. Like the man who sired me, you too hear the music of machines.  
And like him, you also have a talent for musical instruments. I know you will honor this well."

The Kressari wordlessly took the pipe and bowed his head deeply in respect.

Skinar nodded and reached once again reached into the box. This time he pulled out a tiny wooden symbol. "This is a Tausian  
symbol of life. I carved it fifty years ago on the Birthworld after I beheld my three offspring for the first time. I carved it with  
the same blade that I used to cut open their birth sacs. I carved five such images and gave three to my offspring and a fourth  
to Freyna. This one I kept. For fifty years it has reminded me that life springs from the darkness of the womb, both of mothers'  
and of space. For fifty years it has reminded me that sometimes life is accompanied by pain and blood, but it is still the most  
priceless of treasures. And while it's to be taken seriously, one should know joy in it as well."

He smiled and gently handed it toward McCoy. "I think that this carving will suit you, Doctor. I hope that you will benefit from  
its lessons."

A silent, but obviously moved McCoy, accepted the gift.

Skinar reached into the box again and brought out a small sandstone rock, smoothed, polished and engraved with intricate  
designs. "This rock came from Vshora Canyon where I was born. I selected and hand-carved it seventy years ago. That is another  
tradition; we select an object from the area where we are born and when we make our First Journey and leave the Birthworld  
for the first time, we take it with us and carve in symbols to mark the occasion. It is a symbol of coming of age, but for me  
it is more."

He ran his hand over the etched symbols. "When I left Tausia I etched these symbols, not only as a celebration of coming  
of age, but as a commemoration to Anaser, the man who sired the woman who bore me. I asked him to etch some symbols  
on it the night before he left for his Final Journey. He had not been able to roam among the stars until the very end of his life  
and I wanted something partially made by him to be able to continue that journey. He was severely weakened at that point,  
but he was able to manage."

He pointed to a design. "He etched this, the Symbol of Completion. His physical life had reached its conclusion and after finally  
being able to feel the embrace of the stars, he was at last complete." He pointed to another symbol. "This is the Symbol of the  
Great Cycle. We both etched it together. It means that things end and new things continue, that the past and future come  
together and bring things full circle."

He paused for a long time. "This rock was formed in the forge of creation long before my race was born. It was etched by both  
an old man beginning his Final Journey and a young man beginning his First. For seventy years it has accompanied me on all  
of my journeys. For seventy years it has for me been a symbol of both journeying into the future and honoring the past, a reminder  
of the ever changing seasons and of how everything come full circle."

He handed it to Kirk. "It is yours now, Captain. Once again it changes hands…from an old man at the end of his life, to a young  
man at the beginning of his."

Kirk swallowed hard, obviously struggling to contain his emotions. "I…I'll treasure it," he finally whispered.

Skinar carefully closed the box. "Now, there is one more matter. Captains are not the only ones who keep logs. My people  
have always been aware of the importance of combining their resources and of passing on their knowledge to those who will  
come after them. That task is primarily undertaken by the Archivists and Guardians, but those who leave the Birthworld  
contribute as well.

"From the moment we leave the Birthworld until we depart on our Final Journey, we keep a detailed record of everywhere  
we've been and everything we've seen. Everything we've learned and everything we've accomplished. When our Time approaches  
we have the record sent to the Great Archive on Tausia, adding to the collective history and knowledge of our people."

He gestured toward the room's computer terminal. "My logs are contained in two data chips. One chip is for the Great Archive  
and has already been transmitted. The other is for the _Saratoga_ to keep."

At the others' surprised expressions he continued. "It is another tradition. We bestow our knowledge as a gift, not only to our  
own people, but to the people among whom we spend our last days. I served on board this ship for seven years, the last seven  
years of my life. I now bestow upon it and its crew all of my knowledge to use as they will."

He gave a deep sigh. "I need to rest. Even speaking is difficult now and I will need every bit of strength I have left to reach  
shuttlebay at 0900 tomorrow. Please help me to my bed."

Trolan and Kirk assisted him and once he lay down, Nehru gently drew the covers over him. McCoy ran more scans with his  
tricorder and upon hearing his increasingly labored breaths, injected him with another compound to ease his breathing.

Skinar silently gazed at all of them. "The four of you have served as my Attendants. And for that I thank you. Take what  
I have bestowed upon you and use it well."


	7. Final preparations

_7/2/2259_   
_Skinar's Quarters_   
_7:20 am_

McCoy once again entered Skinar's quarters. After the Tausian had gone to sleep, his Attendants, with the exception  
of Trolan, had withdrawn to their own quarters for a few hours of rest. Nehru had been sobbing and Jim had looked  
like he wasn't far from joining her. He had felt suspiciously moist eyed as well.

Jim had escorted Nehru back to her quarters, while he silently trailed behind. They left her in the care of her concerned  
roommate, Crewman Monica O'Gill, whom Jim had commed to let know they were coming. Before departing, he gave his  
crewmember a firm hug, which she returned. "I know this is hard," he whispered. "But we'll all get through this."

"Thank you, Captain," she whispered back.

Jim had then headed toward his quarters. He had offered to go with him but Jim had refused. "I'm going to get some  
sleep, Bones," he said firmly. "You need to as well. Remember what time we have to be up tomorrow."

McCoy had complied and found that he'd been more tired than he'd thought; he'd collapsed in bed without bothering  
to change and fallen asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. His alarm had awakened him ten minutes ago and he had  
immediately headed back toward the Tausian's quarters.

He found Skinar awake and sitting on his bed as his roommate gently dried him from another washing period. He looked  
terrible; his skin had turned almost white in color and instead of flaking it now appeared almost to be melting.

Trolan turned as he approached and nodded slightly in greeting. "Doctor."

Skinar nodded slightly as well but didn't speak.

"He's very weak," Trolan whispered. "He will need every bit of his strength to reach the shuttlebay. He won't speak again  
until he reaches it."

McCoy nodded silently and pulled out his tricorder. It revealed that the Tausian had, at best, only about five hours left,  
if even that. He administered another breathing compound and then pulled out a small life monitor. "I need to put this on  
your wrist," he said softly. "When you leave the ship it will monitor your vitals until…"

At the Tausian's silent nod, McCoy gently put on the monitor, noting how ice cold his skin was to the touch. He then  
gently squeezed his arm. "Thank you," he said softly as he met Skinar's gaze. "For everything."

The Tausian didn't reply but once again nodded as he met the doctor's gaze.

Trolan meanwhile had gone over to Skinar's closet and now returned carrying a long kamino-like robe. "This is the _Areshen_ ,"  
he explained for McCoy's benefit. "The Traveling Robe, worn for the Final Journey. When they turn seventy, every Tausian  
has one sent from the Birthworld and keeps it near at hand for the day…that it is needed."

As both men gently helped Skinar put on the robe, McCoy noted it's colors: dark black with stars embroidered in at the edges.  
 _They symbolize the stars and the vastness between them_ , he realized. _A Tausian comes from the stars, spends his or her  
whole life __among the stars and then returns to them in the end._

After dressing, Skinar placed his hands together in a meditative gesture and closed his eyes, his expression one of concentration.  
He stilled and his breathing grew faint.

"He's performing the _Morayta_ ," Trolan explained; "The Summoning of Strength. He's gathering every bit of strength that  
he has left for his Last Walk."

McCoy nodded as he again looked at his instruments; they confirmed that the Tausian's ever increasing decline was slowing  
if only by an infinitesimal amount but that the respite was only temporary.

"It's fortunate that the _Saratoga_ is a small ship," Trolan continued. "He won't have as far to go, and should just be able to  
make it unaided. If this had been a larger ship he might have required a wheelchair."

"I guess good things do come in small packages then," McCoy said, unable to keep a faint smile from his face.

"Indeed. But we should leave him now, he needs to focus."

As the two men withdrew back to the living area Trolan turned to McCoy. "It's now 07:45 hours, Doctor. We both need  
to get cleaned and dressed. I've no doubt that Nehru is already up and that the Captain is beginning the final preparations.  
We have about an hour left."


	8. Final Journey

_7/2/2259_  
Skinar's Quarters  
8:45 AM

Skinar felt the stirring. Since first sensing his Time approach he had felt the ever increasing decline of his body,  
the ever increasing weakness of the ties that bound his spirit to it. And above all the ever increasing, ever louder  
song of the stars.

It was beautiful beyond imagining.

Soon he would be completely surrounded by their song. Soon he would be one with them forever, unencumbered  
by planet, ship, or the rapidly crumbling shell that, until now, had housed him.

He trembled slightly in joyful anticipation.

He had tried to explain some of this to his Attendants. How for a Tausian this was a joyous occasion. But although  
they had all listened he had known that they wouldn't, _couldn't_ fully understand. They loved the stars as well  
(with the exception of Dr. McCoy who at least could see their benefits), but whatever love they had was _nothing_  
compared to the love that burned within the spirit of every Tausian.

He glanced briefly at his Attendants. Both the Captain and Dr. McCoy would meet up with him once he exited  
the turbolift. Nehru and Trolan were standing at ready near the door. He noticed that both of them were wearing  
formal dress uniforms, no doubt under instructions from the Captain.

He himself couldn't care less what outfits they wore, or whatever type of ceremony the _Saratoga's_ young Captain  
no doubt had in mind, was held. During the Last Walk, all that Tausians required was the wearing of the Traveling  
Robe, being able to walk to their waiting shuttle before their strength gave out, and that the atmosphere be more  
or less quiet so that they could maintain their concentration. Beyond that matters were very flexible.

Since the Great Exodus, Tausians had dispersed themselves throughout known space and were now scattered  
throughout both the Alpha and Beta Quadrants. Consequentially nearly all of them spent their final days in the  
company of other species. And nearly all of them had non-Tausians serve as their Attendants when their Time  
came. In deference to that they permitted whatever farewells that their Kin by Choice wanted. They had agreed  
to stand by them during their final days, so as long as it didn't hinder or disrupt the Last Walk, they could dress  
however they wanted, and perform whatever rituals they wished.

He nodded to his two Attendants to signal his readiness, then took a deep breath. His meditation had been  
successful, he felt the last reserves of his physical strength and drew upon them to stand up. Taking another  
breath, he made his way to the door and left his quarters for the last time.

As the party made their way toward the turbolift, Trolan took out his comm. "Captain, we're on our way down now,"  
he said quietly.

 _"Understood,"_ came the reply.

As they entered the turbolift, Skinar glanced at Nehru who stood close beside him. Her back was straight and she  
was doing an admirable job at appearing composed. But he saw the grief in her eyes.

Her father had walked out on both her and her mother while she was still a child. Despite that she had grown up  
to be a steady, confident young woman. She was a natural with ship operations and he had no doubt that she would  
more than adequately fill his former post.

But he also knew that even though she prided herself on her realistic attitude and pragmatic approach to problems,  
she felt things deeply. He also knew that she had come to see him as a father figure and his near imminent departure  
was devastating to her.

Gently he reached out and squeezed her hand. She squeezed back tightly.

The turbolift stopped and opened- to reveal the entire hallway lined with _Saratoga_ crewmen all standing at attention  
and clad in their dress uniforms.

Skinar couldn't repress a slight smile. He had had a feeling that the Captain, young, impetuous, but caring so deeply  
for every member of his crew, would arrange for something like this. When he spotted him he gave him a brief nod  
of both thanks and understanding.

Kirk nodded back and as Skinar exited the turbolift and began to make his way down the corridor, he silently took  
his place with the other Attendants. When a Tausian's Time came his or her Attendants stayed beside them in their  
seclusion. During the Last Walk, they walked alone with their Attendants silently following behind.

As Skinar slowly made his way down the corridor he took note of all the faces, the Captain appeared to have gathered  
nearly everyone on the ship. The _Saratoga_ was no doubt being managed by what Humans called a 'skeleton crew.'

As he walked by each person in line silently nodded their head in respect and he silently returned it. Most of them  
he had not been close too and some he had only spoken to a few times. But they were all members of the crew  
of the _Saratoga_. They were the people among whom he had spent his last days. All of them were connected to him  
and he to them.

After a few minutes he reached the shuttle-bay which was also lined with people. They were all members of Gamma  
shift, the people that he had worked with the most frequently. He paused longer as he met each of their gazes.  
All of them bore expressions of respect, sorrow and farewell.

Also near the shuttle were all the members of the Senior staff, most of whom he had seldom worked with, with  
the exception of Tolliver. The two Operations Managers gazed at each other for a moment in silent, mutual respect.  
Commander Thelin bowed slightly in Andorian fashion. Lieutenant Akari bowed deeply in Japanese tradition.  
The rest nodded solemnly.

Skinar at last reached the shuttle. It was flight ready with the doors open and waiting. Before entering he turned  
to address the silent crew.

"My people were born of the stars," he began. It was an effort to speak and his voice was weak and hoarse,  
but sound carried in the hangar and he knew they could hear him. "Space is our home, the stars are our love  
and our life is an endless journey among them. Ever do our spirits cry for the stars. We are born from the stars,  
we spend our lives among the stars and in the end we return to the stars. And when we return it is for us a time  
of joy.

"Life is an endless journey and it doesn't end, it merely changes. We are born, we journey for awhile in the flesh,  
then we shed our flesh and continue to journey. For eighty years I have journeyed in this form. Now that will change  
and I will journey in another form. For seven years I have journeyed with all of you. Now that too must change  
and I will continue my journey alone. But my journey _will_ continue. I am going home. Know that and be glad for me."  
He paused and then spoke again. "It was an honor to spend my last days among you."

He turned his attention to his Attendants and beckoned them forward. As they did so he, one at a time, gently  
clasped their shoulders, an expression of respect, affection and farewell.

First came Trolan, who had been his suite-mate and friend for seven years. Tausians seldom formed close friendships,  
but one had formed between them and both were grateful for it. As their eyes met for the final time each silently  
tried to convey without words the depth of that gratitude.

"Thank you, old friend," Skinar said softly. "For walking by my side, both now and in the past."

"Thank you," Trolan whispered. "For the gift of your friendship."

Next was Dr. McCoy. "Thank you, Doctor," Shinar said. "For both your care and your compassion. Never allow  
those traits to die for they make you the worthy healer, the worthy man, that you are."

McCoy nodded solemnly. "Thank you. And I'll remember everything you've said."

Next came the Captain. "It was an honor to serve with you, Captain," Skinar whispered.

Kirk swallowed hard. "It was a _great_ honor to serve with you," he whispered back.

Finally came Nehru, who could no longer restrain the tears streaming down her face.

Tausians were not normally demonstrative, but this time Skinar made an exception. He gently drew the young  
woman into his arms and held her close. "Until three years ago I had three offspring, two male and one female,"  
he said softly. "But that is no longer the case. I now have _four_ offspring, two male and two female."

She sobbed and clung to him. "I love you," she whispered through her sobs.

"I know," he responded. "And that love is returned."

He held her for a few moments then gently planted a Human kiss on her forehead.

Finally he stepped back. "It is time," he said.

After taking one final look, first at his Attendants and then the assembled crew of the _Saratoga_ , Skinar turned  
and boarded the waiting _High Tide._ It briefly struck him that the _High Tide_ had brought young Captain Kirk to  
the _Saratoga_ for the first time. Now, seven months later, it would help another crewmember leave it for the last  
time. It was fitting. Another example of how things came full circle.

Entering the shuttle he made his way to the cockpit and sat down with a sigh of relief; he was exhausted,  
his final reserves of strength had been used in his Last Walk.

After piloting the tiny shuttle out of the shuttlebay he noted with satisfaction his location. The Captain had  
ordered the _Saratoga_ to withdraw well beyond the furthest edge of the Rychla system, where they were  
currently basing their studies. Here at the edge of the system he could see the stars in all their glory  
and yet was still within reach of his planned destination.

He carefully plotted a course to the system's sun. It would take about four hours to reach it but he knew that  
he would have shed his decaying prison long before then.

After programing the course and setting the shuttle on autopilot he leaned back. His last reserves of strength  
were gone and he wouldn't move again.

But although he was too weak to move he could see. See the glory of the stars all around him.

He could hear. Hear the stars singing to him, calling him and welcoming him home.

And above all he could feel.

Feel pure, unadulterated joy.


	9. Log entry

_Captain's Log_   
_Stardate 2259.7.6_

_It's been four days since the death of Chief Petty Officer Skinar, who served in Starfleet with distinction for sixty_ _years and onboard  
the U.S.S. Saratoga for seven._

_I've been reading the Archive that he left behind and am both greatly impressed and deeply humbled at the sheer_ _amount of knowledge  
that he possessed. Both this ship and Starfleet have lost a great man. Many may think that greatness __is measured in famous deeds,  
such as fighting a major battle or saving a planet. But as my time on the Saratoga keeps teaching __me, greatness can be found in the_  
small things as well.

 _Case in point: Skinar's maternal grandfather, Aneser. Apparently he was quite famous, not only among his people, but other_ _species  
as well. Some of his methods for computer programing were years ahead of their time and have even been taught at Starfleet __Academy.  
This was a man who never set foot off of the Birthworld until a few days before he died, and yet he had a __profound if quiet impact_  
on many lives both on Tausia and off it.

 _Skinar had an interest in history, not surprising because he lived through a great deal of it. The Federation of Planets was formed_  
in 2161. He was born eighteen years later in 2179. He was a man who was literally almost as old as the Federation. I try to imagine  
all of the history that he witnessed in his lifetime and I wonder what changes I'll witness if I live to be as old as him. (Although according  
to Bones there's much chance of that happening!)  


 _I've also learned a great deal about the history of the Tausian people in general. The name 'Tausian' means 'One Born of the Stars'  
and that is what they are in every way. Throughout their entire history they loved the stars above all else and every facet of their  
culture was dedicated to reaching them. They developed space flight in the 13th century and within a generation had developed early  
warp drive which resulted in the Great Exodus. After this they dispersed themselves throughout space. They never established any  
colonies;_ _the only times they landed on a planet was to repair or restock their ships. T_ _heir souls yearned for the stars and they desired_  
only to wander among them. And wander they did- across huge distances in tiny ships that for centuries didn't go above Warp 1.

_As time passed they came in contact with other space faring races, gained new technology and made improvements on_ _the old.  
They developed ships that could go to higher speeds and dispersed themselves across ever greater _ _distances, always seeking new stars.  
They became known to dozens of different races and were given various titles: the _ _Wanderers, the Star Followers, and the Nomads._   


_At first they traveled in their own tiny ships but as time passed it became increasingly common for many of them_ _to volunteer to serve  
on the ships of other races. Some races had faster ships and others traveled to places they hadn't yet gone. Either way it was an opportunity  
to see _ _ever more distant stars._

_As the centuries passed, many was the alien ship that had a Tausian serving or traveling_ _on it. Their skills with engines and computers  
made them highly sought after and their great strength and flexibility were assets _ _as well. Added to that was the length of time which  
they were willing to serve. Humans and many other species often retire _ _or at least slow down when they get old. Tausians don't- they  
continue to work with all the vigor of youth right up until their _ _Time comes upon them._

_When the Federation of Planets was formed the Tausian Legislators recognized that it would be beneficial to have someone_ _to turn  
to for help in the event that the Birthworld was ever endangered. So in 2177 Tausia became a Federation protectorate _ _and an official  
member, _ _twenty-three years after that._

_Since then there have been about a dozen or so Tausians in the Fleet. All of them were enlisted personnel and all of them_ _joined  
with the one condition that they always be assigned to a ship, as opposed to a station or outpost. All of them __served with distinction_  
and were valued crewmembers on whatever ship they served.

_There were some complications however. Some of those who joined were middle aged or elderly when they enlisted and when_ _their  
Time came there were some problems._

_The first was an engineer named Korven. He enlisted in 2177, the year Tausia became a Protectorate. After serving with_ _the Fleet  
for fourteen years his Time came while he was serving on the U.S.S. Excel, a patrol ship. At the time all of their shuttles had been  
sent _ _on missions so he had to use a workbee. He drifted in space until he died and then the Excel towed the workbee to the sun._

_The second was a sensor analyst named Norae. Her Time came in 2192 while she was serving on the U.S.S. Strider,_ _a small scout  
ship with only two shuttles, one of which had been destroyed and the other was under repair. _ _She jettisoned herself in a life pod._

_The grimmest case of all took place in 2208 involving a technician named Zordel. He served onboard the U.S.S. Griffon,_ _a tactical  
vessel whose primary function was gathering intelligence in hostile areas. When His Time came the Griffon was in the middle  
of a top secret _ _reconnaissance mission and they couldn't risk even sending out a lifepod lest it be detected. So he went into an  
airlock and then, after waiting as _ _close as possible to his death, had them jettison him._

_One can imagine the scrutiny that this caused._

_Afterwards Starfleet regulations required that any Tausian in the Fleet over the age of seventy had to be assigned to a ship that  
was not engaged in tactical or reconnaissance missions. It was also required that they be on a ship that always had at least one  
extra shuttle or shuttlepod available. The last condition became a lot easier after Nero attacked the Kelvin- Starfleet started doubling  
the size of their ships and _ _consequentially_ _the number of their shuttles._

_I learned from Admiral Pike that some bureaucrat back home raised a fuss over the loss of the High Tide, complaining about the loss  
of valuable equipment. I guess _ _being the youngest Captain in the Fleet has some disadvantages; it gets one a lot of scrutiny back home.  
He was shot down _ _quickly when the regulations regarding Tausian death rites were shown to him. He then muttered that I could have  
let Skinar _ _use the shuttle until he died and then beamed him into space afterwards. But he was once again shot down when he was  
shown _ _Tausian medical records._

_When a Tausian's Time draws closer their bodies rapidly decline , I and the rest of Skinar's Attendants saw that for ourselves.  
But that's nothing compared to what happens after they finally die. __As soon as that happens their bodies_ _rapidly decay/dissolve/melt  
within a matter of minutes, leaving behind a residue that while not harmful to anything from Tausia can be toxic to __other species._  
In other words, after they die their remains become a biohazard. So either way we wouldn't have been using the High Tide again.

 _I didn't know all of this when I granted Skinar's request, but it wouldn't have mattered to me one way or the other; there was no  
way that I would have denied him. Skinar gave __Starfleet sixty years of service and the Saratoga seven; he was entitled to the use_  
of one tiny shuttle and if giving it to him meant facing some hassle back home, so be it. A Captain goes to bat for his crew.  


_After he left, Bones continued to monitored his life functions. About an hour or so later when he looked at me and quietly said,_   
_"He's gone, Jim," I felt my heart break._

_He had lived a long, full life and he had died the way he wanted. But I grieved. He had been a part of my crew_ _and now he was gone._

_Gone but never forgotten. In the seven years that he was on the Saratoga he touched everyone however briefly and he will continue  
_ _to impact us even though he's gone. The cycle and the journey continues._

_In the short time that I was with him he taught me a great deal. I suppose in one way I'm similar to a Tausian; I was born in_ _space  
and I didn't truly find myself until I returned to it. And thanks to him I will never look at the stars in quite the same way __again._  
And I think I will love them all the more.

_He also gave me something else. He accepted me as an Attendant and named me his Kin by Choice. I consider that to be one_   
_of the greatest honors of my life. Compared to that commanding the Flagship was nothing._

_James T. Kirk_

* * *

Kirk completed his log entry and sat for a moment in thought.

Two days ago he had had a long a conversation with Thelin about what he'd learned from Tausian death rites. His First Officer had  
mentioned some of the rituals performed on Andoria to mark the death of a clansman. One of them was the Rite of Memory in  
which mourners recorded memories of the deceased in the form of biochemical imprints on a crystalline cipher.

That had given him an idea.

He picked up something that was an increasingly rare sight on Federation starships: a large leather bound book. It had been given  
to him as a gift from Samuel T. Cogley, who had represented him during the trial. Cogley was as quirky as they came; he couldn't  
stand computers and felt that the law, not to mention anything else worth knowing, was stored in paper books. But he was one  
great lawyer. When he had first received it, Kirk had noted that it was empty. Cogley had said that it was like life: starting out empty  
but waiting to be filled. He had then smirked and told him that it would be a good way for him to practice his handwriting, something  
sorely lacking in most 23rd century Earthlings.

He opened the book to the first blank page and carefully began to write.

**BOOK OF REMEMBRANCE**

Name:  
Place of Origin:  
Home:  
Age:  
Posting:  
Rank:  
Department:

He paused then filled in the spaces.

Name: _Skinar_  
Place of Origin: _Tausia  
_ Home: _Space  
_ _Age:_ _80 (2179-2259)  
_ Posting: _U.S.S. Saratoga  
_ Rank: _Chief Petty Officer_  
Department: _Operations Management_

He paused another moment then continued.

_He was born of the stars.  
_ _Space was his home, the stars his love._


	10. Rendezvous

_Captain's Log_  
_Stardate: 2259.7.17_

_The Saratoga has completed its studies of the Rychla system and is preparing to depart for her_ _next assignment.  
Before we leave however, we're going to rendezvouz with the U.S.S. Scabbard,_ _which will be arriving later today.  
In addition to delivering a new shuttle she'll also be bringing_ _us two new crewmembers._

_James T. Kirk_

* * *

_Bridge  
3:15 p.m._

After Kirk finished speaking to the Captain of the _Scabbard_ he turned to Thelin.

"They're bringing the shuttle over now and they'll be beaming over the new crewmembers in fifteen   
minutes. Why don't you go greet them and then bring them to my Ready Room?"

"Aye, Captain."

* * *

_Transporter Room  
3:30 p.m._

As the two new officers beamed aboard they found themselves facing a tall Andorian. "Welcome aboard,   
Crewmen. I am First Officer Commander Thelin. I'll be meeting with both of you to discuss your post   
assignments and schedules. But first, the Captain has asked to meet with you. If you'll follow me."

* * *

_Ready Room  
3:40 p.m._

Kirk smiled as the handsome African American male entered. "Lieutenant Mark Baines.  
Welcome to the _Saratoga."_

"Thank you, sir," the Science officer replied.

Kirk motioned to the chair in front of his desk. "Have a seat. I know that that you've just arrived   
and are probably eager to get settled, but I've made it a personal goal to get to know every member   
of my crew." His smile broadened. "And that includes greeting every new arrival individually."

"Thank you again, sir."

Kirk glanced at the PADD he held. "I've looked over your file. I understand your focus is applied   
physics and that you specialize in energy and energy transformation."

It was Baines' turn to smile. "That's always been my passion, sir. Ever since I was young."

Kirk grinned. "You still _are_ young; you're only a year older than me."

Baines grinned as well. "Ever since I was _little_ then. My mom told me that when I was a baby I would   
stare fixedly at lights for hours. Then I was fascinated with anything that glowed and gave off heat.   
Then I was fascinated with how they worked. Light and energy became my two fixations." He chuckled.   
"I drove my folks _crazy_ with all of my science projects. They were afraid to go in to my room for fear   
they'd touch something that'd explode. But at the same time they were afraid _not_ to go in there because   
who knew what I was working on?"

Kirk chucked as well. "Well, I'm sure that the Head of our Physics Department will put you to good   
use. Lieutenant Commander Gaston is passionate about energy and one of the most driven men   
that I've ever met."

A rueful smile came over his face as he thought of the Frenchman. _'I still remember the ruckus when_  
we were in the Quia System and Falno wanted to reduce power to the Physics lab so as to enhance   
Stellar Cartography's sensors. The look Gaston gave him would have scared a Klingon! And he didn't   
even shout or raise his voice. He just **looked.**

Baines had smiled at the mention of Gaston. "I'm looking forward to working with him, sir. I've read   
a lot of his works on energy and subspace mechanics."

"I read a couple of his works too, before I came here and I'm not much of a scientist." Kirk chuckled.  
"I'm not a scientist _period._ But they get more of my respect everyday."

He once again became serious. "Speaking of assignments I know that you served on the _USS_ _Nelson_   
for three years. It's not always easy being transferred." He frowned. "I certainly didn't expect to leave   
my previous assignment so soon. I only put in a request for a new Operations Manager, but Starfleet   
apparently decided that I could use with an extra Science officer as well." He gave a slightly rueful smile.   
"I sometimes think they're trying to spoil me."

His gaze once again met Baines'. "And you got caught up in it. You've been uprooted from a place where  
you served for three years. And not only that, the _Nelson_ is an Armstrong class; you've had to go from  
a ship with over seven hundred and fifty people to one with only a hundred. I can understand if that's  
a hard transition."

"I appreciate your concern, Captain," Baines said quietly; "But it's not necessary. In Starfleet we go where  
we're needed and its common to be reassigned. We all knew that when we joined. I made friends on   
the _Nelson_ and I'll make new ones here." He smiled. "Besides, I consider this an opportunity. The _Nelson_   
primarily acts as a patrol ship. Being away from the Romulan Neutral Zone will be a nice change."

"There _is_ that," Kirk said.

"Plus, the _Saratoga_ is a science vessel. For a scientist to be on a ship dedicated to science, it's a special treat."

"This _is_ a special ship."

"And a science vessel can never have too many scientists."

"I guess not." Kirk's smile returned and he gazed thoughtfully at Baines for a moment. "Speaking of scientists…  
there are three colors in Starfleet, Lieutenant: Command Gold, Science Blue and Operations Red. " He glanced  
at his own uniform. "Helmsmen, Navigators, Tacticians and those good at running a ship go for the Gold.   
Many of them hope they'll get to sit in the Chair someday." His smile turned wistful. "I know _I_ did."

His eyes went to Baines' uniform. "You wear the Blue. Some people think that science is the reason Starfleet   
exists. After all what is science if not exploration? And where would Starfleet be without its scientists?"

Baines smile was mischievous. "Up the creek, sir."

Kirk laughed. "I think you're right."

Baines grew serious. "I really appreciate the chance to serve on board the _Saratoga_ , sir. Its a chance to get  
away from endless patrols and a chance to do what I joined Starfleet for...to explore."

Kirk's smile was warm. "You and me both Lieutenant. You and me both." He stood up. "I'll let you get back  
to Commander Thelin, you two have a lot to talk about."

Baines had stood as well. "It's an honor to serve with you, sir."

"The honor is mine, Lieutenant." Kirk said quietly. "Welcome aboard." He extended his hand.

Baines clasped it in a firm handshake.

* * *

_4:00 pm_

"Lieutenant Ralessa reporting, sir."

Kirk smiled at his new Operations officer. "Come in, Lieutenant, have a seat. I wanted to give you a formal  
welcome to the _Saratoga."_

The female Veluven was 5'11, and lupine in appearance with grey fur, large pointed ears and a long fluffy tail.  
Her thick mane of grey hair added to her striking appearance and she moved with a fluid grace.

"Thank you sir. It's an honor to be here." Her voice was low and gruff, but feminine and there was a pleasant  
quality to it.

"I understand you've served onboard the _Hawking_ for four years. Your records say that you're a master  
of organization and coordination." He smiled. "We can definitely use your skills."

"I'm looking forward to the opportunity, sir."

"Your records also say that you're handy to have on away missions and very good in a fight."   
_Not surprising, Veluvens are a hunting species with nearly twice the strength and speed of a human._  
 _And I know those claws of yours aren't for show._

"I _am_ a huntress, sir." She smiled. "Although my primary focus is Operations Management."

"Glad to hear it." His expression grew thoughtful. "I was just talking to Lieutenant Baines about the colors  
of the different divisions. There've been three in here here today: Command Gold, Science Blue and now  
Operations Red."

Ralessa's expression grew serious. "I've always thought that red is a fitting color for our division.  
Red is the color of blood. Just as blood keeps a body alive, so engineers, technicians and operations  
personnel are the blood that keeps a ship alive. And their own blood is what Security personnel risk  
to keep those onboard a ship alive. We are the blood of the ship and we shed our blood to protect it."

Kirk's eyes widened and then grew solemn as well. "All too true, Lieutenant. All too true." He attempted  
a smile. "But hopefully there'll be no need for anyone on this ship to shed their blood for a long time.  
This _is_ a science vessel after all."

"That's true as well, sir." She gave a low chuckle "And I _am_ an Operations Manager."

Kirk's smile was kind. "And according to your records, a very good one. This ship is lucky to have you.  
My sister often says that every member of the caravan is vital."

Ralessa nodded. "Your sister is wise. My people have always known that a pack-member's greatest   
strength is their pack-mates. A friend that I knew from the Academy once gave me a book by the   
author Rudyard Kipling, _The Jungle Book_. There was a quote from that book that echoed the most   
sacred law of my people. _'For the strength of the pack is the wolf. And the strength of the wolf is the pack.'_

* * *

 _7/18/2259_  
12:45 am  
Saratoga Corridors  
A few minutes before the start of Gamma Shift

Crewman Nehru silently watched as the Veluven officer walked down the corridor toward the bridge   
and her new post.

She turned and walked in the opposite direction unable to keep the anger from stirring within her.   
That was _Skinar's_ post! He had manned it for seven years! And now he was gone and that…s _he-wolf_ …  
had come to take his place!

She fought to keep down the resentment, telling herself that such feelings were both foolish and childish.   
But unable to keep from feeling them all the same.


	11. Another away mission

_Captain's Log_  
_Stardate 2259.7.28_

_The Saratoga has spent the past six days studying the Boleen System. I have to say that this is turning  
into a favorite assignment for many people because it has things that interest all of our Departments._

_James T. Kirk_

* * *

_Surface of Boleen II_  
_Northern section of the continent_

Kirk glanced up at the sky. The Boleen system's second planet was an M class world with a rotational  
period of fourteen hours, meaning seven hours of daylight and seven hours of night. He and his team had  
arrived four hours ago with the sun high in the sky and now they were beneath a brightly-lit night sky.

He smiled in wonder and admiration. He had come to appreciate the different skies of other worlds and  
the night sky on this world was gorgeous. It was bluish-green and brilliantly lit by large stars and stunning  
stellar formations. Stellar Sciences was loving every second of their time here.

The planet itself was lush, tropical and teaming with life, making it a gold mine for the other departments.  
There were multiple lifeforms, the largest of which were similar to Earth's ancient pterosaurs. They came in  
a variety of sizes, shapes and colors and many of the ship's xenobiologists believed them to be sentient.

Botanists and ecologists were having a field day. He thought fondly of his Soul Siblings who were on an  
ecological team in the southern area of the continent. Coming from a desert world, L'Naym was enamored  
of all vegetation and to her this world was a feast for eyes, ears, scent and touch. She had been assigned  
to a team every day and was loving every moment of it. Alyen, who was accompanying her today, was  
enjoying it too. Unlike a certain CMO, he loved to go on away-missions. He thrilled both at the chance  
to see new worlds close up and to be there to provide any assistance that the team might need. Kirk had  
often smiled to see his enthusiasm.

Today he was accompanying a geological team which was exploring the more rugged northern areas of the planet.  
On the team was Lieutenant Natasha Ostrovsky, the _Saratoga's_ Head of Geology. A tall Russian woman in her  
mid thirties and if there was anything she loved as much as geology it was a good debate. _"If you disagree_  
with something ask yourself _**why**_ _you disagree,"_ she would often say. " _That way you'll better understand what  
you __**do**_ _believe."_

She would debate with anyone, even Gavor, but unlike the Tellerite she never insulted, she merely used a calm  
voice that wielded words like a chess master would wield a game piece. And she would pick and dissect every  
single point of an argument or theory, not letting up until all avenues has been thoroughly explored.

At the moment though she wasn't debating but going over some readings with her protégé, Crewman Ingrid  
Thorson, a Geo-morphologist. The young Norwegian had transferred to the _Saratoga_ at the same time as Kirk  
and had quickly come under the Russian officer's wing. Creative and somewhat impulsive she enjoyed working  
hard and took great pride in her work.

With the group were two civilian scientists; Daniel Bangwato and Orvo Emare. Bangwato, who hailed from  
Botswana, was a brilliant biosperist. Confident and self assured he was determined to make advancements  
in his field. At the same time he had a huge sense of humor and a love for creature comforts.

Ovo Emare was an elderly Mortasian from Korlel Prime. A biogeographer and a prominent scholar, he had  
written several important works. Along with Bangwato, a long time associate, he was on a year-long research  
trip and had felt that a science vessel was the perfect place.

Acting as security for the team was Chief Petty Officer Terrance Oak. He lived up to his name in many ways  
because he was tall, powerfully built and an unmoving rock in a crisis. He was straightforward and blunt   
with no patience for fools. He also had an earthy sense a humor and was very good at colorful insults. It was   
no surprise perhaps that he'd formed a friendship with Gavor. He was always good to have on away-missions  
because on duty he was tough and no nonsense and everyone knew that he'd take a phaser for another  
without hesitating.

 _Just like I would,_ Kirk thought.

He carefully checked his climbing equipment. The northern areas of the planet comprised of forest covered  
mesas and buttes. He and Thorson were preparing to scale one of the smaller ones, which stretched about  
five stories, while the rest of the team continued to work at the bottom. Both of them had a passion for rock  
climbing, as well as athletic, competitive steaks. It made for a combination that whenever they were on any  
sort of mission that involved climbing they would compete to see who could reach the top of the hill,   
formation or mountain first. Everywhere else they were Captain and subordinate. But in rock or mountain  
climbing the were fierce albeit friendly rivals.

He glanced over at Thorson. "Not tired are you, Crewman?" he teased.

She grinned back. "Are you kidding? I could climb all night. Of course, if _you're_ tired."

"Fat chance!"

The two of them began their ascent and an informal race for the top began.

"Sure you can keep up, Captain?"

"I'm not quite over the hill yet, Crewman."

"Hah! As slow as you are you'll never get over _this_ hill!"

Kirk grinned. He knew that most Captains didn't engage in light hearted banter with low ranking crewmembers.  
But he wasn't most Captains and he reveled in it.

"Captain," Oak called from below. "Is there any particular reason why you and Thorson wanted to climb that hill?"

"Because it's there!" Kirk called back.

"And great minds think alike!" Thorson put in.

Eventually they reached the top. Thorson beat him by one minute. "Slowpoke," she grinned.

"You'll eat my dust at the next one," Kirk said wickedly.

"I doubt it."

Once they reached the top they quickly returned to business and began their scans. In the middle  
of it Kirk looked up at the sky again and smiled. "Thorson, look." Another gift that this planet offered  
was regular displays of shooting stars and a spectacular shower was beginning now.

"Would you look at that?" Kirk murmured as he gazed at the view.

Thorson nodded. "This is why I joined Starfleet," she said softly.

"Me too."

The sound of the comm cut through the mood. When Kirk answered it he was hit with the anxious voice  
of his CMO.

_"Jim! You've got to get back here! Now!'_

"Bones? What happened?"

_"The ecological team in the southern continent. They've been exposed to some kind of toxin. All of them are down."_

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Biogeography  
> The study of the distribution of species and ecosystems in geographic space and through geological time.
> 
> Biospherist  
> One who studies biospheres, the global sum of all ecosystems.
> 
> Geomorphology  
> The study of the origin and evolution of landscapes.


	12. Downed crewmen

_7/30/2259_  
_Saratoga Sick Bay  
5:45 PM_

As he had several times over the past two days, Kirk made his way towards Sickbay, his mind endlessly replaying  
the previous events.

Six crewmembers down. The ecological team had been collecting samples and taking scans near a large grove when  
suddenly some of the trees had began to emit a powerful gas-like toxin, apparently as some sort of defense mechanism.  
The two closest to the trees had collapsed almost immediately. The rest had tried to flee but had rapidly succumbed.  
The party member furthest from the trees had managed to signal for help before also succumbing. They had been beamed  
back to the ship and now all of them were in comas while McCoy and the rest of the medical and science staff tried to find  
some way to counteract the toxin.

Upon entering, Kirk first headed toward the Intensive Care Ward where the team members who were in the worse shape lay.

Lieutenant Commander Pablo Rodriguez lay in the first bed. Head of the _Saratoga's_ Ecology Department he was quiet man  
with a spine of steel and unequaled in his knowledge of agriculture. His wife, Lieutenant Harmaya Rodriguez, sat beside him  
in silent vigil as she had for the past two days. Kirk gently clasped the Communications officer's shoulder in a show of support.  
She looked at him gratefully, eyes red-rimmed from crying.

Before moving on, Kirk cast another glance at the motionless agriculturalist. _Get better Commander. There are so many  
people who need you._

In the other bed was Lieutenant D'lor from Security. He had served onboard the _Saratoga_ for two years. He was dedicated  
and competent, as well as formal and a stickler for protocol. Kirk had occasionally found himself comparing him to a certain  
Vulcan First Officer. He had attempted to engage him a few times but the Zecumbran was uncomfortable fraternizing with  
crewmembers higher or lower ranked than him, even while off duty.

 _I should have tried harder,_ Kirk thought sadly.

He turned and entered the Main Ward and went over to its four beds.

Lieutenant Taya Williams of Security was the first. She hailed from Alaska and was part Inupiat. A woman of action,  
she preferred things to be decided quickly. She was blunt and could be hot headed but never hesitated to admit when  
she was wrong. She also had the distinction of being one of the few beings to have managed the feat of befriending  
an Andorian. Kirk had spoken to Lieutenant P'lal a few times since the incident. Like all Andorians she was intense  
and focused in times of crisis, but he'd sensed her grief.

_Get better, Lieutenant. You'll be greatly missed if you don't._

Lieutenant Sarah Richards was next. She was a skilled ecologist and from working with her, he knew her to   
be intelligent and forthright. She could wax poetic about the season changes in her native New Hampshire   
and loved plants as much as L'Naym. The two women had struck a firm friendship.

_Get better, Lieutenant. This ship needs your mind and your appreciation for beauty._

Struggling to contain himself he made his way over to the final two beds.

Crewman Tuskaro Alyen, paramedic and Crewman Shylea L'Naym, botanist. Lifemated for two years. Today was   
their anniversary.

They had both been furthest away from the toxin spewing trees. When the attack happened it had been Alyen,   
who had frantically commed the _Saratoga_ to let them know what was happening and to warn them about the trees.

They both lay on biobeds beside each other, Nlian medical records stated that being in close proximity to someone  
with whom they shared a Bond was vital in times of illness or injury; that they could draw strength from the Bond.  
A Lifemate Bond was obviously the strongest.

_Maybe a Soul Sibling can help too._

Standing between both beds, Kirk took both of their hands and squeezed his eyes shut in concentration.

 _The Touched Soul reached out._ _Normally when he and the Joined Souls shared they made the contact.  
Now he had to initiate it. _

_He reached out to the Joined Souls. Searching_ … _searching_ …

 _Yes, he could feel them_ … _They were both deeply unconscious, but he could **just** touch them and as he did   
so he felt a faint stir. _

_*I am Jim and I am yours,* he whispered,_ _willing them both to hear him._ _*Take my strength. Take **all** of it.*_

 _For several minutes the Touched Soul stood silently, willing the Joined Souls_ _to feel his love. Willing his strength  
to flow into them._

_*Get better, guys. **Please** get better.*_


	13. Hope

_7/31/2259_  
Saratoga Sick Bay  
1:45 A.M

McCoy took more readings on both Rodriguez and D'Lor. There wasn't any change but at least they weren't worse.

He glanced over at Harmaya Rodriguez who was in the middle of a quiet conversation with Jim. She'd been   
excused from all duties for the time being. He'd thought that Jim should take time off too, but naturally he   
wouldn't hear of it.

 _'I promised the crew that I would never ditch out on them just because I was upset, Bones. And that's a promise  
__that I intend to keep_.'

So during Alpha Shift, Jim was on the bridge as usual. Off duty he was here in sick bay. He would spend hours   
sitting beside the Nlians, trying to help them with their telepathic mumbo jumbo. Sometimes he held their hands.  
A few times he had gently laid his forehead against the forehead of first one and then the other.

Not that he was neglectful of the others stricken members. He regularly sat by them as well, and he'd had   
several conversations with Rodriguez. Right now he was trying unsuccessfully to convince her to sleep in her   
quarters instead of sickbay.

"You really should go to your quarters, Harmaya," he was now saying softly. "You're exhausted and you need   
a decent night's sleep in your own bed."

" _He_ looks like he's asleep," she whispered. "But he's not."

Jim was silent.

"I envy you, you know," the Brazilian said quietly; "You and those Nlian friends of yours. They're telepathic-   
they may be unconscious but they can still reach each other, _touch_ each other. And you can touch them.   
They know that you're there." Tears were coming to her eyes again. "But they're just your _friends_.   
Pablo is my _husband_." She choked back a sob. "He's my husband and I can't reach him at all. He's drifting   
in a dark void and I can't let him know that I'm here!"

"He knows you're here, I'm sure of it. He's a strong man, Harmaya, he'll pull through this."

"You don't know that, Captain." She began to sob. "And I don't understand how this could have happened."   
Her sobs grew louder. "I just don't understand."

Jim gently pulled her into his arms. "I don't either," he whispered.

McCoy quietly left.

As he walked past the Medical Lab, he noted Lieutenant Commander Belzoni leaning over a microscope.   
Determined, to the point of obstinacy and always looking for an answer, the biochemist had spent every   
moment since the accident either in the labs or here.

With him was Lieutenant Jeffery Flanders, a keen witted and a highly skilled biomedical researcher.   
Normally the Belgian was charismatic with a wicked sense of humor, but now he was somber and   
all business.

Making his way to the Main Ward, McCoy checked the vitals of the other patients, saving Alyen for last.

 _Hang on, Alyen. I've invested too much into teaching you to lose you. And Jim's got way too much  
invested in both you and your __lifemate to lose either of you. You both helped stich him back together  
and God only knows how losing_ _you would set him back. So both hang on._

He studied the machines' readings and once again checked his PADD. Both of the Nlians' vitals were   
slightly stronger than the others. They hadn't taken as much of the toxin, but it was possible that   
there was something in their makeup that made them better able to withstand it.

The swish of the door opening let him know that sickbay had another visitor. He looked up to see   
Lieutenant Commander Hatcher enter the room. McCoy straightened slightly. He had often been called   
intimidating, but the grim, no nonsense Chief of Security took that phrase up to a whole new meaning.

He thought ruefully of Gavor. He himself was cantankerous and the Tellerite _lived_ to insult. Jim has teasingly   
called them both the terrors of the ship and the two of them had arguments that could peel paint off the walls.   
But neither of them ever talked back to Hatcher.

Nodding slightly to McCoy, Hatcher silently surveyed L'Naym for a few moments. "Any change?" she asked.

"Not yet. They're no better, but no worse either. We're not giving up though, and they're both fighters."

"She always gives me flowers," Hatcher said quietly.

At McCoy's silence she continued. "There aren't any on my homeworld; Dorvel IV's a world of rocks and hills.  
There're a few shrubs here and there but that's it. No flowers."

 _Dorvel IV_. McCoy mused over what little he know of it. A Class L world on the edge of Federation space.  
Rocky, barren and downright ugly, but containing many valuable ores. Home to a small mining colony  
with a population of hard people used to hard lives. Made harder by the fact that they were located near rough,  
ungoverned space and subject to raids from unscrupulous neighbors. It was better now but back with Hatcher  
had been a young girl…

He looked silently at the Security Chief's single eye and scarred face.

Hatcher continued. "The first time that I ever saw flowers in person was when I came to Earth to enlist in  
the Academy. I…admired them." She was quiet for a few moments. "A few weeks after she first came aboard  
I'd gone to the arboretum; Omar often goes there during break and I'd gone to remind him of a meeting change.  
L'Naym was on the other side of the room working on some of the plants.

"After Omar left, I lingered by the pool for a moment- just thinking and noting the flowers. L'Naym came   
up to me and said, 'They're beautiful aren't they?' I was surprised but I said that yes they were. She then told   
me what their names where and some of their unique traits. How _vespessia_ glow under moonlight, how   
_trilantos_ take two years to bloom and how _zolinae_ regularly change colors."

She paused again. "Not many people on this ship, especially low ranking ones, engage me in casual conversation.  
Crewmen especially tend to find me intimidating. But _this_ young Crewman came right up to me and started talking  
about _flowers_ of all things. She told me that ever since she was a child she had loved flowers, that they were the  
jewels of creation. I mentioned that there hadn't been any flowers on my homeworld and then left. I thought that  
would be the end of the conversation and the matter.

"That evening in the Mess Hall she came up to my table and placed a small vase of flowers on it. She always   
places flowers on the tables whenever she helps in the kitchen, but she brought a large bunch specifically   
for me and told me that they were mine to keep." She paused even longer. "Those were the first flowers that   
anyone had ever given me. In my whole life."

Another pause. "From that point on she always had special flowers for me. All of the tables would be decorated   
as usual, but there was always something extra for me. Often a single flower, sometimes a bouquet. Every day,   
either given in the Mess Hall, or left in my office, or in front of my quarters. Every single day without fail."

McCoy was silent for a few moments. "Sounds just like her," he said quietly.

Hatcher was silent for several more moments. Then she stepped closer to the unconscious botanist. For the first   
time McCoy noticed that she was carrying a small white flower.

Hatcher bent over and gently placed the flower amidst L'Naym's raven locks. After looking down at her for a few   
more moments she turned and left without another word.


	14. Cohesion

_The Joined Souls floated in darkness._   
_Everywhere was darkness…  
A darkness like space without stars._

_Each of them floated in the dark.  
Unseeing, unhearing, but aware…  
_ _**Ever** _ _aware of each other._

_Everywhere there was darkness  
But one certainty ever remained…_

_They were Joined Souls._   
_They were one._   
_Nothing would ever part them._

_They where ever aware of each other.  
And every so often the soft brush of another…Jim…_

* * *

_7/31/2259  
Sickbay_   
_8:45 AM_

_*I am Jim and I am yours. Always.*_

Kirk gently released the Nlians' hands and stepped back. Since the accident he had continued to sleep in his quarters  
so as to be fully rested. Each morning he would come to Sickbay to check on his Soul Siblings and the other patients,  
and then head to the Bridge.

He glanced over at Nurse Belzoni who was at Richard's bedside monitoring her vitals. She met his gaze solemnly.  
"We'll take care of them, Captain," she said softly.

"I know," he replied.

After the Captain exited, Belzoni made her way past the Medical Lab where McCoy was pouring over results from tests.  
Her husband had once again withdrawn to the Biochemestry Lab and the CMO was now speaking to Sar Iyi Domla from  
Zoel Prime.

A civilian xenobiologist with a focus on toxicology, Domla was a long time associate of Bangwato and Emare and had  
accompanied them on their year-long research trip. Her azure hair was striking, matched by her azure eyes that pierced  
anything she gazed at. Bangwato had affectionately given her the nickname 'Sharpsight' and those who knew her found  
it apt for her keen gaze missed nothing, be it details in a substance or in a theory.

"I think there may be a possible vector here," McCoy was saying as Belzoni entered. "These reading seem to indicate _…_ "

As McCoy continued with his explanation Belzoni silently continued with her rounds. ' _Please find something soon, Doctor.'_

Entering the Intensive Care Ward she checked on D'lor and Rodriguez. Harmaya Rodriguez had finally been persuaded  
by a relentless Captain and CMO to go to her quarters for a few hours of real rest.

 _'The doctor won't stop until he finds something, Harmaya,_ Belzoni thought _. 'And everyone on this ship will look after him  
and the others in the meantime.'_

* * *

_Shuttlebay  
9:30 AM_

After suiting himself in protective equipment, Lieutenant Blackhawk made his way toward the shuttle _Fairwind_ which  
had been thoroughly prepped and fueled. He would be leading today's away-mission, one of the many that had been  
sent to gather as much samples and data as possible on the toxin-emitting trees, in the hopes of developing a cure  
for their stricken crewmembers. The Captain had led several but today he would be staying on the ship, going over  
details with the various Departments.

On the team was Dr. Nelena, a geneticist with a focus on molecular ecology. The elderly Rigelian had arrived the year  
before on a four year research project and had become well known to the crew. She was a somber woman on the surface  
but had a private, subdued sense of humor.

Also on the team was Crewman Trent Blackwood. His primary interest was entomology, but he had degrees in toxicology  
as well. He was somewhat sullen and preferred to work alone, but had risen to the occasion.

The fourth member was Crewman Reggie Nelson, whose focus was molecular and micro-biology.

For Security was Lieutenant Lorn. The Draylaxian's agility made her an asset on away missions, especially when her  
protective streak was triggered.

The final member of the team was Lieutenant Ralessa, the _Saratoga's_ newest Operations officer. She had proven to  
be an asset on away-missions as well, due to her sharp senses and hunting instincts. In addition, she had grown up  
in a world of thick, often dangerous forests, so she often noticed details that others missed. She and Lorn had many  
things in common and in the two weeks since her arrival, the two had struck up a friendship. The 'Lupine and the Feline'  
some already calling them.

As the team boarded the shuttle, all were quiet and focused. Every team sent knew the importance of the mission:  
six crewmembers' lives were at stake and the slightest detail gathered could be the key component in saving them.

On a large ship the absence of six crewmembers would have barely been noticed, but on the _Saratoga_ every loss was  
as an open wound. The entire crew was keenly aware of their absence and everyone was determined to do their utmost  
to save them.

* * *

_Bridge  
4:40 PM_

The bridge crew went about their duties quietly. The illness of the fallen crewmembers had taken a toll on everyone,  
none more than the Captain. Filars, who had once again come to the Bridge to keep an eye on him, frequently shot  
him concerned glances.

Kirk was having a quiet conversation with Thelin when he received a comm from McCoy.

_'Jim, I think we've got something.'_

* * *

_Sickbay_   
_10:30 PM_

"Now we'll see if the treatment works. I'm beginning injections now."

* * *

_The Joined Souls floated in darkness._   
_Ever aware of each other and of one fact…_

_They were Joined Souls_.  
 _They were one.  
Nothing would ever part them._

_But the darkness…it was growing lighter.  
Soon they were able to whisper to each other._

* * *

"Jim, its working. Their vitals are beginning to stabilize!"

Kirk clasped both Nlians' hands tightly. _*Come back, guys. Come back to us.*_

* * *

 _The darkness was getting lighter and lighter._  
One Soul saw the source of the light ahead…  
Heard someone else calling him…

_He hesitated not wanting to leave his Other Half._

_*I see it too, Beloved,* she whispered to him. *Go on. I'll follow.*_

_He sensed that this was so and continued on, feeling her close behind him._

_It grew brighter… ever brighter._   
_Ahead was light and awareness…_   
_And the call of another Soul…Jim…_

* * *

_8/1/2259  
2:15 AM_

" _…_ He's coming around."

Alyen slowly forced his eyes open. Standing beside him was his Soul Brother and Dr. McCoy.

"Tuskaro," Jim whispered, clutching the Nlian's hand in an iron grip.

Alyen looked around, he sensed his lifemate's nearness but couldn't see her. *S-Shy…* he asked.

"She's right here beside you," Jim said gently. "See? She's starting to wake up too."

Alyen finally saw his beloved lying beside him. * _Beloved…*_

She was still not fully conscious but her reply, although sluggish, was immediate. _*Beloved…*_

Reassured, he managed to whisper out loud, "Th others…"

McCoy was the one who answered. "They should all pull through, in large part, thanks to you. You sent out  
the warning, told us that something was wrong. We might not have known what was going on down there  
for who knows how long. And by that time the toxin…" he left the sentence unfinished.

He continued. "Apparently Nlians have greater resistance to certain toxins than some species. Using yours  
and Mrs. L'Naym's blood, added to other data we've collected, we were able to synthesize a course of treatment.  
You were the first to wake up, but all of the others' vitals are increasing."

"Thank you," Alyen whispered.

McCoy's eyes warmed. "It wasn't just me, but you're welcome."

 


	15. Back in the Saddle

_Captain's Log_   
_Stardate 2259.8.5._

_It's been four days since Dr. McCoy and the rest of the Medical personal came up with a successful treatment  
for the tree toxin. All members of the away team are recovering well. Alyen and L'Naym are scheduled to be _   
_discharged later today._

_In the meantime the Saratoga is continuing its studies of Boleen._

_James T. Kirk._

* * *

_Saratoga Sickbay  
12:48 PM_

"I'm discharging you but you're still off duty today, tomorrow and the next day," McCoy said sternly. "You're to  
take it easy and I do mean _easy_. _Nothing_ strenuous. After that we'll see about _light_ duty."

"Did the Captain say how much longer we'll be studying this planet?" L'Naym asked as she dressed.

"We're not scheduled to leave until the 21st," McCoy answered. "Why?"

"I want to go back down there," L'Naym said determinedly. "I know the Captain's been ordering teams to study  
those trees to learn as much as possible about them. I'm a botanist and they'll need me. As soon as I'm better  
I need to get back down there."

McCoy raised an eyebrow. "So eager to get sprayed again?"

L'Naym turned her sea-green eyes on his. "Doctor, you once said that if someone falls off a horse they need  
to get back in the saddle right away."

"I did, didn't I?" He shook his head. All of the other patients had expressed the same desire to get back on duty  
as soon as possible. He had actually threatened to put Williams in restraints if she got up again. As for Commander  
Rodriguez, he'd kept going on and on about the potential benefits of studying the trees' toxin.

They had all nearly died and yet all of them couldn't wait to get back in the saddle. He supposed it came  
with the uniform.

Alyen meanwhile, had a pensive look on his face. "Doctor. Do you remember when Shylea saved Trisha?  
The conversation she had with you about how a Healer was a Parent of Many?"

McCoy right away saw were this was leading and grew solemn.

"You saved both of us, so you're our parent now," Alyen's blue eyes met McCoy's hazel. "I've called you Doctor,  
Superior Officer and Teacher. I now have another name for you: Second Father."

L'Naym looked at him too. "As do I, Doctor."

McCoy's heart warmed, but he had his reputation to maintain. "Don't get any ideas," he grumbled. "Now both  
of you get the heck out of here. I need to check on my other _kids_."

"Alright, _Dad,"_ Alyen teased _._


	16. Sharing a memory

_Alyen and L'Naym's Quarters_   
_5:15 PM_

As soon as his shift was over, Kirk headed toward the quarters of his Soul Siblings. They immediately invited  
him in and the three of them settled on the couch. He always loved the times he spent with them, but right  
now he had a concern.

"I thought Bones told you both to take it easy while you were off duty," he told L'Naym in a stern voice.  
"As I understand it, you've either been visiting or giving flowers to every single person on this ship."

"Not every person," L'Naym teased. "Just the ones who helped find a treatment and the ones who visited us  
while we were ill."

"Which is practically everyone!"

When the Nlians had been discharged they had returned to their quarters. Alyen tired from his illness and  
treatments had gone to bed. L'Naym however had had other ideas.

In the months since her arrival, the sweet-natured, gregarious botanist, had become the unofficial morale booster  
of the _Saratoga._ And a substantial amount of the crew had visited her while she and her lifemate were stricken.  
As soon as her lifemate fell asleep she had set out to thank every one of them. Those off duty had been given  
personal thanks and flowers. Those on duty would return to find flowers and a note outside their quarters.

"Dr. McCoy said that you weren't to do anything strenous," Kirk reminded her.

"It wasn't strenuous it was a joy. Jim..." L'Naym grew serious. "Remember what happened after Trisha? I told  
you that what happened had reminded me of how fragile life is, of how it lasts from one breath to the next.  
How precious each person is and how important every single moment with them is."

She paused. "This has only reminded me even more. It's important to tell people know that you appreciate them  
and the things that they do for you. And it's important that you do it while you're still around to do so and while  
they're still around for you to tell them."

Kirk sighed. He _knew_ his Soul Sister and knew that her greatest joy was to give others joy. But he also knew  
his duty, both as her older brother and Commanding Officer, to ensure that she stayed healthy so that she  
could continue to give others joy.

"You're right, Shylea. But your body's been through a lot and going down to the arboretum and then traipsing  
all over this ship with loads of flowers is not going to help it heal. I know that you love to give others joy.  
But you need to take things slow for awhile so that you can continue to give others joy for as long as possible.  
You can visit and give flowers all you want... _after_ you're fully cleared for duty. But until then you're to take it easy.  
And until then no more visiting or flower giving."

His blue eyes met hers. It was definitely the Captain speaking now. "That's an _order_ , Crewman."

Her eyes lowered in submission. "Yes, Captain."

He immediately softened. "Good. Because if I find out that one of my crewmembers is not only disobeying  
the CMO's orders but _my_ orders as well, I'm going to have to put her on report."

She smiled faintly. "Noted, sir."

He turned to Alyen. "And you, Medic. You're to make certain that she rests and doesn't go on any more visiting  
or flower giving runs until after she's fully cleared." He raised an eyebrow. "Or I'll have to put you on report  
for negligence."

"Understood, Captain."

"Now on to another matter. I understand you two are still eager to go back to that planet?"

Alyen nodded. "What happened on that world was a big storm, but it's not stopping us. The accident happened  
because there was something about that world that we didn't know. Now we do. Commander Rodriguez is right;  
with every new place we visit comes the possibilities of new solutions and treatments."

"When I first saw that world, I thought it was beautiful," L'Naym said. "Despite what happened I still think  
it's beautiful and I still want to see more of it."

She held out her hand. "Jim. I want to share a memory with you."

* * *

_Flashback_   
_7/10/2259_   
_Rychla_

_L'Naym moved carefully over the ground. The exo-suits she and the rest of the away team had to wear were_   
_bulky and uncomfortable, but necessary._

_The Captain had been right to be cautious. The mist that shrouded the planet was a vital component to_   
_the atmosphere and everything on the planet, from plants to animals, depended on it to survive._   
_Foreign air could contaminate it._

_There was another reason for extreme caution. The mist had a bio-mutagenic effect. If any foreign lifeforms_   
_breathed it, it altered their genome. Planets could be terra-formed, the atmosphere here could cause strangers_   
_to be 'bio-formed'; they'd be able to breathe the atmosphere but they would be unable to survive off- planet._

_Fortunately the effect was cumulative; the lifeform would have to breathe it for a lengthy period, a week or so._   
_But the Captain wasn't taking any chances with his crew. All planetary away-missions had to wear full protective_   
_suits and couldn't remain down there for more than a few hours._

_As she walked on a planet surrounded by an atmosphere that could permanently alter her life if something_   
_were to go wrong and she breathed it, she wondered briefly why she wasn't more worried._

_She looked around. They were currently surrounded by vast treelike structures that both absorbed and expelled_   
_the strange misty atmosphere. As they did so they gave off a steady florescent glow and the gasses they_   
_expelled gave off a shimmery glow as well. Added to the surrounding mist it was beautiful._

_It was dangerous but beautiful. Just like the deserts of Nlia were dangerous but beautiful. And the danger didn't_   
_negate the need in coming. By coming to this world they were adding to both their knowledge and the knowledge_   
_of the Federation. And who knew how good that might do in the future?_

_She wasn't afraid for another reason._

_She looked around at the rest of the team. Petty Officer Ktar specialized in the study of atmospheres._   
_He was very meticulous and loved a challenge._

_Commander Belzoni had forgotten more about biochemistry then she would ever know and never stopped looking_   
_for solutions._

_Crewman Patrick Hunter from Security was no nonsense and very quick to disprove, but determined and tireless._

_If something where to go wrong she knew she could rely on all of them. And on the entire crew._

_And then of course there was her Captain._

_She had learned that most Starfleet Captains seldom went on away missions, usually putting their First Officer_   
_in charge. Jim, however, prided himself on accompanying practically every away mission._

_She smiled as her gaze fell on him. He sensed her looking at him and smiled as well, silently conveying, 'I'm here.'_

_She and the others were part of his herd and he would die to protect them._

_*End Flashback*_

* * *

_Alyen and L'Naym's Quarters_

_"That's_ why I'm not afraid, Jim," L'Naym whispered as her hand fell away. "I have my lifemate, the crew and you."

Alyen held out his hand. "I want to share something with you too, Jim."


	17. Another memory

_Flashback*_

_4/16/2258_   
_Starfleet Academy  
Student Housing: Alyen and L'Naym's Apartment_   
_7:14 PM_

_"Alright, Tuskaro. It's time for you to put away your books and have a few laughs!"_

_Hakeem Arinze, was an Englishman of Nigerian descent and training to be a medical technician. Since they'd  
entered the Starfleet Training Program for Enlisted Personnel, he and Alyen had formed a friendship._

_He had agreed to keep an eye on Alyen while L'Naym was away. She and the rest of her Botany class had_  
been taken on a trip to the Royal Botanic Gardens of London, home to Earth's largest collection of plants.  
She would be back the following night, but her lifemate was trying to get over his loneliness by burying  
himself in even more studying.

_Alyen started to head back toward his labtop. "I'm rather busy right now, Hakeem. This latest article is really  
fascinating-"_

_Arinze pushed the laptop closed. "I don't particularly_ _ **care**_ _how fascinating that article is, my Nlian friend._  
Exams are not until next month, but you and your lovely wife tend to do nothing but study and ever since  
she left yesterday you've been gluing yourself to a desk."

_He crossed his arms. "This is a_ _**Friday night** _ _and I have taken it upon myself to make certain that you take  
a break and that you actually have some _ _**fun.** _ _"_

_Alyen raised an eyebrow. "I don't have a choice do I?"_

_"No, you don't. We're going to a party over at Frasier's. It's his birthday and he's going to have a few friends  
over to celebrate. He said I could bring you."_

_Justin Frasier was a long time associate of Arinze. He had a condo in the Bay area and was very fond of hosting  
parties. Arinze had taken the Nlians to more than one of his 'gatherings'._

* * *

_San Francisco Street_   
_8:00 PM_

_"I think Frasier may be having more than just a 'few' friends over," Alyen pointed out as they got out of the car.  
"You had to park six blocks away!"_

_"It looks like it," Arinze joked. "Don't worry, you know that his gatherings are never too wild." He chuckled.  
"And you should see how crazy parking is around here on New Year's Eve!"_

_"Hakeem…" Alyen had noticed a flat across the street that had several Starfleet security guards around it._   
_"Hakeem, you know this neighborhood, do you know who's home that is over there? And why it's guarded?"_

_Arinze looked at the building Alyen was indicating. "That's Captain Kirk's flat," he said._

_Alyen's eyes widened "Kirk? The Kirk that everyone's been talking about?"_

_"That's him. I guess he doesn't want to be disturbed. Not surprising considering everything that's happened."  
He motioned down the street. "Come on, we've got six blocks to walk."_

_"Wait," Alyen said quietly but firmly. He crossed the street and approached the guarded flat._

_One of the guards stopped him. "I'm sorry, sir, but you're not allowed any further. The Captain gave explicit  
orders that he not be disturbed and a few days ago we had to arrest a group that wouldn't leave."_

_"I understand," Alyen said softly. "I'm from the Starfleet Enlisted Training Program. I don't want to go in,_  
I just wanted to…" He took a breath. "If you can…please tell the Captain that a lot of people are very sorry  
about what happened to him."

_"Who's the message from?"_

_"My name wouldn't mean anything to him; we've never met and probably never will. I just wanted him to  
know…that a lot of people are thinking about him."_

_The guard nodded. "You're not the first would be well-wisher that's come by. I'll tell him."_

_"Thank you."_

_*End Flashback*_

* * *

_8/4/2259_  
Saratoga  
Alyen and L'Naym's Quarters

Kirk gasped as he released his Soul Brother's hand. "Tuskaro," he whispered. "You were there that day?"

"Yes," Alyen said. "It was a random apartment across the street from where a friend happened to park.  
But from the moment I learned who lived there, I felt drawn to it. And you and I had never even met.  
Later that night after the party was over and I went home, I got a comm from Shylea. I mentioned that  
I'd seen your flat and she told me that that day she'd heard some associates talking about you and her  
thoughts had gone to you as well."

Kirk's mind was whirling. What had he been doing that night? Sitting on his couch or lying in bed most likely.  
Exhausted from the trial. Numb from the bone-deep ache that his heart and soul had suffered since the events  
of the _Enterprise Incident_. Drowning in anger, bitterness and pain.

And also filled with petty satisfaction that only a few days before, when his supposed crewmates had come  
crawling to his flat with pitiful excuses and worthless apologies, his guards had not only kept them away  
but had even arrested them for public nuisance when they refused to leave. The idea of the Senior staff  
of the Flagship in the brig for public nuisance had been rather satisfying. An empty victory perhaps, but the  
only one he'd had at the time.

No, not the only. He had brought his rapists to justice. He'd had Pike and Bones. And although he hadn't  
even realized it, there had been others who cared about him as well. Two of whom would soon matter so  
much. He _knew_ Tuskaro. _Knew_ that his Soul Brother would have been instinctively drawn to an injured soul.  
And that Shylea, his Soul Sister would have as well.

"Well," Kirk whispered. "You were wrong about one thing; you said that we'd probably never meet. I'm so glad  
that we did."

"So are we," L'Naym whispered. "You're our Soul Brother, Jim. We _know_ you. And we know that we couldn't  
ask for a better brother or a better Captain."

"It's why neither of us are afraid or worried," Alyen said. "No matter how stormy the seas are, as long as Shylea  
and I have each other, as long as we have our fellow crewmates, and as long you're at the helm, we know we'll  
be fine."


	18. Still Another away mission

_8/10/2259_  
Surface of Boleen II  
Southern section of the continent

L'Naym took a deep breath as she gazed up at the large trees. A lot had happened over the past several days.

After Jim had admonished her she had abided by his and Dr. McCoy's restrictions and spent the next few days  
resting in her quarters, only leaving for brief visits to the Mess, the arboretum or the lounge. She never once  
uttered a word of complaint or discontent about the grounding, but nobody was fooled, everyone knew that  
she was eagerly anticipating being fully up and about.

She learned, to her amusement, that she had actually caused Dr. McCoy far _less_ hassle than the other  
patients. Rodriguez in particular was driving the good doctor to distraction with his constant requests/demands  
to be discharged. Williams, a woman of action who hated to be still and had a temper to boot, was causing  
a lot of fireworks as well.

She had also quickly found, to her delight, that even though she was restricted from visiting others there  
weren't so many restrictions to people visiting _her_. The crew had been instructed to let her and her lifemate  
rest undisturbed when in their quarters but whenever they were out crewmembers would come up to greet   
them and welcome them back and there had been frequent hugs.

 _"You love to give other's joy, Shylea,"_ Jim had told her. _"Sometimes letting other people do for you can give  
them joy as well."_

Two days later on the 6th, the rest of the team was discharged from Sickbay. She had restricted herself to merely  
calling them by comm to congratulate them and to give them a hug, (or a respectful nod in D'Lor's case) if she saw  
them in the Mess or Hallway.

On the 8th, when she and her lifemate were permitted to return to light duty, she didn't think she'd ever been so  
happy to put on her uniform again. She had found herself, ironically, to be the only member of her Department  
on duty. The _Saratoga_ was a small ship and so each scientific Department had less members than other ships.  
The Ecology/Botany Department was one of the smaller ones. Its other members: Rodriguez and Richards, were  
still on medical leave and McCoy had forbidden either of them to set foot in the labs until they were fully cleared.

_"We both know that if you go in there you'd just start working round the clock again."_

" _But Doctor, there's so much work to be done!"_

_"I rest my case!"_

So that left L'Naym as the 'ranking officer' as it were.

For the four hours she was permitted to work she had carefully tended the plants in the arboretum and botanic bay.  
She had been helped by several of the ship's children, who were overjoyed to have her back. When Jim, accompanied  
by Commander Thelin, had briefly come in during break to check on her, Connor had an announcement for them.

_"Everyone else is sick so Shylea's Acting Head of the Botany Department! That makes her a Senior Officer!"_

Jim had smiled warmly. _"Then I'd say the Department's in great hands."_

 _"And if you or Commander Thelin hold a meeting of the Department heads, you have to invite Shylea!"  
_ Connor had said imperiously.

Thelin has raised an eyebrow in amusement. " _We'll be certain to keep that in mind."_

She had blushed and as she resumed work she had thought once again how every member of the caravan was vital.  
She had also had the children put together bouquets and leave them outside the quarters of her fellow team members  
with hand written 'get well soon' notes.

 _You said that_ _ **I**_ _couldn't go on any flower runs, Jim,_ she had thought wryly. _You never said that I couldn't ask  
someone else to do it! _

Today the rest of the team had been cleared for light duty.

 _"Four hours_ _ **only!**_ _"_ McCoy had said sternly. " _If I catch you in those labs after than that I'm going to have Hatcher  
drag you back to Sick Bay and you can spend the rest of your recovery time here in restraints for a week!_

She and Tuskaro however had been fully cleared and while the others where still confined to the ship, she had  
requested to be allowed to accompany a team to the surface. Her request had been granted and she and her  
lifemate had beamed down after donning protective gear. She wasn't surprised that Jim had included himself  
in the party.

Commander Rodriguez had been, as Humans were fond of saying, 'chomping at the bit' to get back down to the  
surface and chaffing under his restriction to light duty. He had been pouring over the data gathered on the toxin  
spewing plants and when he was informed L'Naym was being allowed to the surface, he'd instructed her to gather  
as much data as possible.

As she gazed at the large trees that had nearly killed her, her lifemate and other members of her crew she  
reviewed the thoughts and emotions running through her. Caution definitely. And wary respect. Not fear though.  
They were simply plants with a distinct defense mechanism. Her previous team had been endangered because  
they hadn't known the danger. Now they did.

 _"Ignorance can lead to death. Through experience one gains knowledge. Knowledge can save life."_ An ancient  
saying on Nlia. True then and true now. By coming here they had added to the knowledge of both Starfleet  
and the Federation. By coming back they would continue to do that. Her greatest joy was to give others joy.  
Close behind that was to give others aid. To give aid and thus enhance their lives.

She glanced at her lifemate who returned her gaze and through their Bond she sensed that his thoughts were  
the same.

They then looked at their Captain/Soul Brother who was also gazing at them.

"Are you guys, ok?" he asked softly.

"We're fine, Captain," Alyen answered softly. And it was true.

As the team set to work L'Naym found herself noting that even though the trees were capable of spewing  
a potentially deadly toxin. They were also beautiful, like so much else about the planet.

Danger and beauty. Death and life. There was never one without the other.

Like her lifemate, her Soul Brother and her crew, she was ready to face both.


	19. Everything has its season

_Captain's Log_   
_Stardate 8.19.2259_

_Today the Saratoga left behind the Boleen system. In the twenty-eight days we were there we've gained_   
_tons of fascinating data. Even the accident with the away team yielded positive results because we've_   
_gotten a bunch of new data on toxicology._

_Alyen and L'Naym were restored to full duty on the 10th and the rest of the team followed on the 12th._   
_The crew put together a party to celebrate and of course L'Naym insisted on being in the center of the_   
_preparations. Many have started to call her the 'Heart of the Saratoga.' She's dedicated to bringing the_   
_crew as much joy as posible and with her bright smile, merry laugh and loving heart she brings joy to all_   
_who know her. Alyen is much more quiet about it but he's also a morale booster. It's like there's a quiet fire_   
_within him that makes everyone around him feel warm. If this crew were to ever lose them both it would be_   
_a terrible loss both for the crew and especially for me._

_But then the loss of anybody on this ship would be a terrible loss and if there's anything that this has_   
_taught me is to never take anyone for granted. Tolliver once told me that life is from one breath to the next_   
_and things can change in a heartbeat. No one knows that better than him. And I'm starting to learn it as well._

_Loss. I've been thinking a lot about that. Loss and change. I've known quite a few losses since I became_   
_Captain. Loss of innocence (funny thinking of me as being innocent!) loss of dreams, the loss of a crewmate_   
_and the near loss of more._

_But I've also gained as well. I've gained experience, I've gained a great ship and an even greater crew._   
_I've gained new friends, I've gained a brother and sister, and hopefully I've gained wisdom. There's a_   
_difference between being brilliant and being wise. That's something that I didn't know before. For most_   
_of my life I knew I was brilliant and proud of it. But unfortunately I wasn't very wise. Since the events_   
_of last year and since becoming Captain of the Saratoga I've hopefully starting to become wiser._   
_It's wisdom after all that makes a good leader and more importantly a good man._

_Life is about change. From loss to gain. From one season to a new. Something dies and something new_   
_is born. A tree falls and something new grows. Something is lost, something new is gained. I lost a ship_   
_but gained a new one. I've lost innocence but gained experience. I've lost a crewmate but gained new_   
_ones. I've nearly lost some crewmates and gained greater appreciation for them. Everything has its season._

_Our next stop is the planet Deneva, an M class world and the site of a large Federation colony. It's said to_   
_be one of the most beautiful planets in the galaxy and it's also the center of an important asteroid mining_   
_operation. But what's unusual is that even though there are over a million colonists, over the past few weeks_   
_all communications to and from the colony have been cut off. Starfleet's decided to send someone to check_   
_it out and we're the closest ship in the area._

_We're one of the smallest ships in the Fleet but there's no other ship and crew that I'd rather face  
the unknown _ _with. Saratogans take a closer look and we stand together whatever comes._

_James T Kirk._

_END_


End file.
